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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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ELLIOTT It has been nearly six years since my daughter and

Customer Question

It has been nearly six years since my daughter and I have been at odds. For a few years she would talk to me on and off. It somewhat began with me making statements about her mother in law and their friends. What I said was accurate but said them while intoxicated. My daughter in the past has told me half truths and dismissed me when around their friends. After a while it all built up and on my granddaughters first birthday I exploded. She will not discuss issues she has with me in person only thru e mail and phone. I have not chosen my words carefully in the past. Just reacted. You were right. In the last two years she wants nothing to do with me. She includes my grand kids. If she does responds in e mails her words are hateful. I believe if she needs to hate me and be bitter about all the wrong things I did that's OK. I just don't want to lose years with my grand kids. I have not handled this right. Her hate and hurtful words are not her nature.
My question out of confusion is why does she hold on to this? I know she is in pain. Will her feelings change or have things gone to far. What can I do? My husband and girlfriends think I have always spoiled her. I need an outside opinion. A new perspective.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know, otherwise, no need to reply. Thank you for your patience.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear Ann,

I am so sorry to hear that you are still having such a difficult time getting on with your daughter and do not have full access to your grandchildren.

These kinds of situations are harmful to everyone, especially the children.

I understand how frustrating and angering this must be for you. This is the time for you to act with the most self-restraint.

You know what pushes your daughter's buttons, and angry words are one thing; comments about her in-laws are another; letting your emotions carry you away are yet another one.

Your goal is to allow your daughter to allow you to see the grandchildren. You must be able to influence and control her thinking. The best way to do this is to absolutely avoid all words or behavior that will cause he to react against you.

Even if she has wronged you, you must forgive her and let her know that you love her.

Forgiving others and asking them to forgive you is a way of healing that cannot be surpassed, and something you have done before - with success.

Let me recommend a wonderful book for you:

Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon

This book will help to guide you, step by step, to healing all of the ills of the past and will keep you on a path which can bring you to your goal, which is a peaceful and harmonious family.


I know there are many obstacles, but it is up to you to follow the right path and lead others towards resolving your family differences.


I wish you great strength and wisdom, and to that end shall keep you in my prayers.


Warm regards,



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