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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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MY wife (of 7 years) has made her decision that she is no longer

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MY wife (of 7 years) has made her decision that she is no longer in love with me and wants to be alone (not dating anyone) and move on with her life. She said that due to work and kids, we never really had a romantic relationship. We fought about it each year and would work on it, but then we would always go back to the same routine. She said that she has finally realized that she has just been living with her best friend and after her grandmother past away recently she realized life is too short. She told me that live would never change from the way it is now and she wants more. I told her how much I love her and how much we could change things (spice it up) but she said it was too late. She has already found an apartment for her and our 5 yr old and 11 yr old girls. She wants me to stay in their lives as much as possible but when asked, said there is no possibility for us in the future because she would not put them through this again. I am hoping that she comes back. I am working on bettering my life right now. She keeps saying she wants to be alone. She swears it does not involve another guy right now and I believe her. How do I get over her and move on with my life, or Is there a way to win her back?
Hello. I think that giving this entire situation some time will determine if you both can eventually get back together or not. What your wife is going through is actually quite common. I would give her the opportunity to settle into her new routine and to think about her own future. While you shouldn't sit and dwell on waiting for her every day, you should try your best just to live your life and get through each day at a time for now. You want to move on, but not in the way that you should forget this relationship. You obviously are going to be a father to your daughters and will be involved in their lives and they are the ones you need to concentrate on right now. Make sure they are happy and are doing ok with everything. Concentrate on them and their future to help you with your own. You may be able to win your wife back, you may not. Time is going to be the only thing that answers that. Right now, everything is still new and raw emotions are speaking. Try to just give her the space she wants and heal yourself from all of this before the next steps will make themselves clear. You can't expect yourself to know what to do next at this time. Let the dust settle for awhile and then see how both of you feel about the situation.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for the info. I know you are just really hurts right now. I am working out vigorously right now and getting back into shape. We have already worked out a visitation plan for the girls. I know they are unhappy with both of us right now. I know you are right.....there is no answer for winning her back. I have been told to just stay away from her other than communication about the girls. I just pray that one day she comes back.

You need to concentrate on your life and being the best person you can for you and your daughters and no one else. Everything else will fall into place. Working out is good, getting in shape is great, make sure everything you are doing is for you and your kids and not specifically with the idea that you are going to get her back. All you can control is you. You will feel better as a person and it will help you heal. That's all you can really do. I know everything is painful right now, every day will get a little better. I know that's a cliche. But try and look at the positives. You have 2 wonderful kids to raise and their whole life ahead of them.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your advice. I will definitely work on myself and my relationship with my girls. I get to see them twice a week and every other weekend. One last question. What do you think about her signing a lease on an apartment? I would think that her moving in with her family or friends would be one thing....but signing a year long contract...that is totally different.

Family and friends tend to have a major influence on a person's life. I think it's best for her to be on her own. A lot of women grow up being dependent on people from family to boyfriends to husbands and being able to live on their own tends to be a little more real if that makes sense. Her family would feed her feelings about you, probably in a negative way.. Not to say that they think negatively of you at all, they may have thought you were the greatest person ever, BUT because she left you, things can change and she could be put in a situation where she is surrounded by people who mean well in their support, but could end up just keeping her in a bad place.
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