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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My question is a continuation of a question I (25M) asked earlier.

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My question is a continuation of a question I (25M) asked earlier. I can reply to this thread with the details, but my next step right now with the girl (25F) I'm dating is to tell her I want to take a break and I'm terrible at words. I'd like to keep the option for us to continue later, but I feel as if there is something missing at the moment (yet not entirely certain). Reasons for this is that I'm not sure what I want in a relationship. It's been nearly 20 dates and nothing physical has developed. It's going too slow and I need time to assess whether this type of relationship is right for me. I yearn for the college non committal days. If someone could help me script the words, I would be appreciative.Again, I'll post the previous question here for prior details.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
Breaking off a relationship is a difficult step. No matter how you word it, someone is going to get hurt. But you can make it easier by taking a few steps:
One, try to say things that let her know that this is about you and not about her. The more you can say "This is all about my issues and not about you" the better.
Two, start off the conversation by letting her know you need to talk to her about something important. Then don't wait, just tell her. For example, "I need to let you know that right now, I feel I need to make a change in our relationship. I want to take more time to be alone and explore who I am". Or something to that effect.
Three, keep in mind that how you word this depends very much on how she reacts and who you both are as a couple. You may have to change what you say if she says "Ok" compared to crying a lot when she knows what you are going to say.
Four. reassure her that you want to stay friends, if that is true. You mentioned wanting to come back to this relationship maybe in the future. If you do, then it is important you have some kind of relationship in between breaking up and getting back together. She is not going to want to end your relationship, not see you for several months, then have you come back in her life for a relationship again. That might make her feel used. So you might want to say, "Is it ok to be friends? I really enjoy your company and I think we get along so well and I care about you."
Five, accept whatever reaction she has about the break up. If her family has a lot of divorce in it and she is slow to trust, then she may react strongly to the break up. So try to be supportive and talk to her about what she feels. What you say will depend on what she says to you, but be gentle with her with your words and gestures.
I hope this has helped you,
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
That was very helpful. Thank you.
One last thing, it's much better in person correct?
Yes, definitely. Breaking up in person shows respect and it allows you both to talk this through face to face, which is much more personal and shows you care.
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