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My wife has been offered a job with a major airline and has

decided to accept it....
My wife has been offered a job with a major airline and has decided to accept it. The problem is that she will be gone or 2 months for training and after her training she is like to be bases at an airport which is at least two and a half hour flight from where we live. In addition she will know her work hours one month and the next month she will be on reserve, which means she will have to get to her base within two hrs. There is no way she can do that and live at home for that month she will have to stay in her base city. She has been out of full time work for almost 2 years and refused to work full time citing the fact that our daughter is 14 years and she needs to be around incase anything happen she will be there for her and since I work full time I am not that accessible.

Now she is turning her theory on its head. I will have to take care of my daughter, work a fulltime job plus do all the other things she complained was hard while she did not work. I have to do those things and maintain a full time job. Her training period is also unpaid.

What should I do?
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
7/6/2013
Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
Verified

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Ask Eleanor :

I certainly understand your questioning the wisdom of your wife accepting this job. Are you and she discussing whether or not she should accept or is she making that decision unilaterally?

Customer:

She is proceeding with the job follow up and paper work. She has a physical agility test with the airline in a week

Customer:

I don't see the emails or know when she get the response she tells me about it

Ask Eleanor :

Have you talked with her and expressed your concerns?

Customer:

I have but her response is always negative

Ask Eleanor :

And what about your daughter, has she been able to say how she would feel if her mother takes this job?

Customer:

My daughter is going through her tough teen age years when they a most vulnerable and I think she needs her mom.

Ask Eleanor :

I agree. This should be a family decision.

Customer:

My daughter has not said much I am not sure she realizes the impact it will have

Customer:

My other concern is I just started a new job and I cannot afford to take off

Ask Eleanor :

I understand. Will this be a flight attendant job?

Customer:

Yes

Ask Eleanor :

And is this her first FA job?

Customer:

My daughter plays sports and we want to keep her involved to balance her school work and sports

Customer:

Yes

Ask Eleanor :

Of course. How old is your wife?

Customer:

She is 42

Ask Eleanor :

And what type of work has she done before?

Customer:

She has always love flying and airplane

Customer:

She worked for a news paper which was local

Ask Eleanor :

This is certainly a radical change. Is this unusual for her? Is she normally more sensible about things?

Customer:

Yes for the most part we have had issues in the past but not to this extent

Ask Eleanor :

Almost sounds like a mid-life crisis. How long have you been married?

Customer:

18 years

Ask Eleanor :

And the two of you have a good relationship?

Customer:

well we argue like some folks do. Honestly our relationship as not been greatest but we tried to stick out throught the years

Ask Eleanor :

So communication between the two of you is not the best?

Customer:

correct

Ask Eleanor :

Have you ever been in couples therapy?

Customer:

No I mentioned it once and she didn't want to

Ask Eleanor :

How long ago was that?

Customer:

maybe 7 years ago.....I know its a long time

Ask Eleanor :

Well, I can certainly give you a communication model that will help you talk with her about your feelings, but I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in practice for over 20 years, and in my professional opinion, all 3 of you need to see a family therapist to talk about this huge decision. I can tell you that if she goes through with this without involving your daughter and making sure she is okay with her mother being away (which she won't be!) you are very likely to be going to family therapy in the future because of some issue with your daughter.

Ask Eleanor :

Teens have a way of being what we call the "Identified Patient" and get their parents into much needed therapy!

Ask Eleanor :

Does all of this make sense?

Customer:

Yes it does

Customer:

Should I talk to her with my daughter there

Ask Eleanor :

Well, I would talk with your wife first and tell her that the two of you need to discuss this with your daughter, that it will effect her life tremendously and it is only fair to include her in the discussion. Then I would schedule a family meeting.

Customer:

ok I think I will do that

Ask Eleanor :

Good. And if you need a family therapist, here is the link to the MFT website where you can find therapists in your area www.therapistlocator.net. Do you have any other questions for me

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX have no more question. I have a good start

Ask Eleanor :

You are very welcome, my pleasure. If you need my help in the future, simply place "Ask Eleanor" at the beginning of your question and it will be directed to me. I wish you, your wife and daughter all the best. Take care, Eleanor

Customer:

Thanks

Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
Verified
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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,517
1,517 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience

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