Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Welcome to my couples workshop, where people 18-80 of diverse cultures & orientations have come to explore their questions and find a path of heart. Well, you've said quite a bit.
The fact that you're a loving couple for 2 days when he's home off the road is a really good sign.
we have been married for 17 years
I was just going to ask that. I've been marriede 27 years and I know that pasion comes and goes in marriage.
what can I do about it, it really bothers me, but not to the point of leaving the marriage
I think the txting is a good idea (tho it's illegal in some states because of distraction from driving) because it's really wierd to be talking to your wife with your buddy right there--or to your buddy with your wife right there. Husband/wife conversations are best kept completely private, because the feeling within a marriage needs to be contained so it keeps its power of "we-ness."
If the "it" that bothers you is his viewing of porn, that is a serious problem in many marriages.
oh it would never be when he was driving, but I miss him so much that I like to hear his voice, I have asked him to at least send me a quick text or message before he goes to bed, that is the first thing I look at when I get up to see if he had called, and nothing,
Now the part about suggesting he could have sex with another woman was a really BAD idea. Some men will cheat without permission from their wives, and onlhy need permission from their buddies. For a wife to invite her husband to have sex with someone else is opening a door that I think you should close again.
the porn doesn't really bother me, I was just describing everything, I miss him and like to hear from him, so now I cant even hear his voice, I can only read his messages when he decides to text me
Porn viewing can be very corrosive IF it takes away from his desire for you. But if it doesn't do that, you don't need to worry about what fantasies he may entertain at times during your love-making, anymore than he needs to worry about what fantasies you might entertain at times when you're making love to increase your own excitement--and the final approach&take-off to orgasm is an inward-focused experience for both man and woman. That's why it's so unusual for couples to be able to make orgasms happen simultaneously.
he tells me that all he wants is a loving wife well that is all I want is a loving husband doing little things to let me know that he is thinking of me, and I mean little things things that would not take up to much of his time and he cant even do that, if we do tal it may be for 10 15 mins because I end the conversation because he would be driving, I understand what you say about texting is good because its between us but how do I overcome missing him, I keep myself busy but I still think of him and miss him and when I hear from him it fills a void for me
I assume you are raising children, and that would make it harder for you to find things to do when he's gone that are so NOVEL and fascinating for you that you forget to think about him--except perhaps when you're lying down to sleep, or slowing down to eat your dinner, or when you have a thought or feeling that you really wish you could share with him right then.
It is unfortunate that so much of your time must be spent apart, and it's wonderful that he WANTS to spend the two days with you all the time. The natural solution to your problem of missing him is that you need to find work, artistic project(s) and/or personal development that you can pretty much ONLY do when he's not around, that is you need to have a life that you Look Forward to when he's going to be away on the road. My wife makes jewelry that she sells on the Internet. I love to write--thoughts, stories, poetry, music.
Have you read the recent book Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander, MD? In this neurosurgeon's experience of heaven while he's in a coma for 7 days he is guided somewhat by a young woman he's never met, who is somehow his connection to the God that is everywhere around him, but not anywhere near his size or even visible. This is exactly what Carl Jung found to be two of the main "archetypal symbols" of the human personality: A man has a female image inside of himself that guides him toward the divine presence within and all around him, and this person also "mates" with him to produce his creative offspring. So this female side is NOT his earthly wife, but a spiritual being, and she generates his creativity and the psychospiritual personality development that arises and leads toward the divine nature in us all.