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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I am 67, recently reconnected w/high sch sweetheart - after

Customer Question

I am 67, recently reconnected w/high sch sweetheart - after 50 yrs - he called me. He is widowed, I am divorced (2). I am healthy, independent, financially secure, attractive and not looking for a relationship. He called me to reconnect as friends, is relatively healthy, extremely secure financially, dependent on womanly responsibilities, does not want to be alone. We have developed a loving, intimate relationship over the past year. Conerns: (a) he still loves his deceased wife, after two yrs, his home is still a shrine to her (b) now thinking about sharing my home and he will assume half financial responsibilities, I will have all domestic respons - neither wants marriage. (c) This morning he said he feels I love him more than he loves me but he cares about me more.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

If your partner is still mourning over his wife after two years, that is a sign that he has not let go of her and moved on. That can turn into an issue if you both decide to live together. You are already seeing signs of this issue in your relationship with his comments about how much you love each other. Often, when people are still mourning a spouse or past relationship, they will withhold some of their feelings for fear that loving someone else reduces the importance of the person they lost. That might be why he feels you love him more than he is capable of loving you.

If he is choosing to have you assume all the domestic responsibilities and he only supports the home with half of the financial responsibilities, that puts a lot on you. You are already supporting the home financially so this is an unequal balance of responsibility. You can present that to him and ask to work out a better system where both of you share all responsibilities.

While it is ok to work on compromising, if you feel there is a cloud over the relationship now, before you decide to move in together, being together in the same home is only going to make things worse when you have less of an equal balance. It would be better to work on these issues before you decide to move in together so you both feel happier about the decision. There are too many serious issues here that could potentially make things worse so working through them first will help your relationship last rather than break apart.

I hope this has helped you,
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.


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