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Hey ..my ex boyfriend reached out to me around may he broke

up with me in march...
Hey ..my ex boyfriend reached out to me around may he broke up with me in march we started back talking not in a relationship together because he says his mom didn't want us being together when he brokeup with me back in march I said something to him out of anger because he didn't tell me what was going on I apologize to him we talked about it but he told me stress then he said think he starting to regret his chose by leaving because he said he see that I"m doing good I work and have my own place l"m only 19 he works and college I see him sometimes not alot he texts me every couple of days he said he doesn't want his mom to find out when he does that i get concerned and think he talking to another girl I know his mom will get very angry if she found out we are back talking she said she will kick him out I love him so much I feel like every since are breakup he hides his feelings he told me he really miss me and that I'm not going to find anyone better then him we have been intimate I really want to tell him how I feel about him but I'm not sure because he didn't tell me he still love me so I said why should I he talks to other girls he said not like he has the relationship with me as friends he text me a couple days ago to see what was up with me I text him and told him how my day was and then I told him I don't think I can talk to him anymore he asked me why I just told him I got my reasons why I can't tell how I really feel so he told me if that's what you really want then I will stop talking to you and coming to see you if that's a problem then he said you told me you didn't mind still talking to me I'm just afraid of him getting involve with someone else while talking to me he told me he was really happy with me I just don't know what to do or should I keep talking to him I still do care
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Answered in 33 minutes by:
7/2/2013
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hello. You need to understand the situation for what it is and not what you feel it should be. The first issue is, if he is an adult, in college and can make his own decisions, his mother should not have much say in who he is dating. If he has a living situation to deal with, that may change how he handles it, but he should still have his own feelings for you regardless of what anyone tells him. Other people should not dictate another couple's relationship. If he really wanted to be with you, he would at the very least tell you. If he hasn't, you need to ask him straight out how he feels about the entire situation and tell him to be up front and honest with you.
If he is uncertain or if you feel it is a waste of time, then you should consider moving on. You should not be in contact with him and hold on to hopes of a relationship that he is not interested in. If he is seeing or will end up seeing another girl, there is nothing you can do about that. I know at 19, that's a hard thing to hear and to understand, but it's the truth. You need to learn how to handle situations which you can control and you can't control what anyone else does of their own choosing.
So, you need to have a talk with him and have it all out on the line. Where does he see this relationship going? Is it worth hanging on or does he just keep you around because it's convenient for him to do so? You can't waste your time on waiting for someone who isn't sure they want to be with you. He either does or he doesn't. Ask him if you are wasting your time. If he wants to remain friends and friends only, then you have to decide if this is something that you can do. If this is what he says to you, you can't be friends hoping to get back with him, you have to just be friends if that's what he wants. He will probably see other girls and you have to decide if you are ok with that. It's ok if you aren't, just be honest with yourself and the situation in front of you. Just remember only you can handle yourself and how you handle things, you can't change his mind about anything.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Dear friend,

It seems to me that this young man is still in love with you and you are in love with him. Yes he has serious issues with his mother still running his life, but he will get over this. He is a bit late at developing independence but he will.

It seems to me that this situation in part hinges on your willingness to tell him how you feel about him. I think that if you do he will respond positively and move closer to you.

Tell him how you feel and at the same time tell him that you will not accept rejection from him again. You are exposing yourself to pain by being honest, but this is the best way to move forward and either cement the relationship that you want to have, or fail knowing that you did all you could. It will then be easier to move on.

Life is about taking risks. This one is not dangerous and not any more painful (if you lose) then just giving up. I think you should try.

I wish you strength, courage, and wisdom, and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Thank you I will tell him how I feel and hope he understands me its just hard because his mom its just really difficult for us
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
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Satisfied Customers: 7,664
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