How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. Bonnie Your Own Question
Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Bonnie is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been dating a lady who has many issues! She has had

This answer was rated:

I have been dating a lady who has many issues! She has had cancer twice, breasts removed, heart difigulator and recently in the hospital. I got caught up i on 2 occasions. In addition, she lost her her husband to cancer in the past 2 years. We went too fast and now I feel I have really put her into a bad place as well as myself. I am a widow and understand her journey and just wanted to help. Now she doesnt want to have a relationship. I pushed too hard, however, it appeared to me, she neglected me how it impacted me. I was there and things are really terrible. She doesnt want to have a relationship and with me pushing too hard, she doesnt want me around. I understand how she feels, however, regardless how we feel on the inside, I think we as people need to take into consideration on how their lack of compassion, can hurt as much as what they are going through. She doesnt want to talk and she told me going in, she didnt want a relationship, both of us gave into passion and now a potential great relationship is ruined. It seemed after being passionate, she felt guilty and another person would surfaced, meaning a bi-polar behavior. One minute great, next minute mad. I would like a suggestion on how I can take care of myself and most importantly regain our friendship. This is urgent
Hello and thank you for using JA,
This woman has you on a roller coaster and it is time to get off. Your suspicions about a mental illness are probably correct. I don't feel that friendship is possible given that you have had an intimate relationship. It is not possible to make an accurate diagnosis in this forum but I have a reading suggestion. If you can get more information about her personality dynamic, it will help you a great deal to forgive yourself. But this information will not bring her back to you so it is not meant to be shared with her.

Regarding your sleep problem......if this lasts more that 2 weeks, consult with your primary doctor about the best sleep aide for you. Sleep deprivation makes coping and adjusting to change VERY difficult and should be your first priority in taking care of yourself. Consider individual counseling to process this relationship and help you to see things realistically.

I hope this helps...
Dr. Bonnie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dr. Bonnie,


Thank you for responding to my concerns about my relationship with a woman, who I am hoping I am not casting judgement on a sick lady. I thought when I saw signs of jealous tendencies, was a joke, especially if she thought I was looking at other women.

The last time I saw her, I wanted to say good bye in a classy way by giving her a rose and a card. It was her idea to end it! She brought 2 of her friends with her to the club. I ask her what her friends knew; she said she told them, due to how full her plate was full. I said this would be fine, however, she told them something different!! One lady who I never seen in my life was rude by her comments. (Nothing really for me to over react but her role to act as her bodyguard).The other lady who I had met before, said she wasn't interested in a relationship. All of Denise's behavior was of she was a victim, but how far from the truth. I gave her the gifts and she did not acknowledgement my gesture. During the event, it was raining and I gave her my umbrella; when I went outside, I saw my umbrella torn up and thrown in the bushes. I did call her later to ask her why , my umbrella in the bushes. She said it broke!! Guess it was the gesture and the lack of appreciation, I took it personal and I know she has some issues but it hurt my heart, as I was trying to be a true gentleman. Any ideas?




Here's a thought:

Her projection of her own negetive behavior unto you is another piece of evidence that she may meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. Projection is a classic symptom.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Should I give her space? I do not give up on people when they need it, however, I realize u cant save people. This is the attitude during my wife's journey battling cancer. She lost the battle!! I was there

But this is very is mental illness and BPD can suck the energy out of others. Remember your first question do I care for myself? And that is a good question. Yes, get space but for your own good.
Dr. Bonnie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions