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RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I want to move closer to my sons and husband

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I want to move closer to my sons and husband (step father) does not want to move. I miss my grandchildren so much...I am 55 and would have to start over. Advice please...

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this sad and frustrating situation in your life.

Customer: My grandchildren are growing up without me. I want to move from west coast to east coast
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your message, while brief, shows how important it is for you to be close to your sons an grandchildren, because of how much you care about them and the attachment you share. These feelings by themselves use to be healthy and really fulfilling, but when satisfying a longing and need like this is conflicted with other interests like your marriage and your husband's decision to stay where you are currently located, thing become truly tough.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You said you appear to be willing to rebuild your life leaving behind your husband in order to fulfill this need you have, right?

Customer: My sons want me to be closer as well
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If that's the case, such an important decision should be based on a careful assessment of your priorities in life, the pros and cons of such radical change, and what you would have to afford from it.

Customer: I just know I will regret not living closer. My youngest granddaughter is 15 mths old. I recently just saw her and she didn't know me...
Customer: I am struggling every day with this decision
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If your sons want you there and offer their material and emotional support for that to become a reality, and you truly feel that this is much more important in your life than to stay with your husband, then it would make sense for you to work on this transition. Each person is unique, some do value their marriages more than anything once their children become adults, while others feel the need to stay close to them and their families. You just need to be totally truthful with yourself in order to do what you feel and know would best meet your core needs and expectations in life now and in the long run.

Customer: Thank you kindly....
Customer: I feel in my heart everything would be ok for me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please take your time to carefully assess this situation, to dialogue with your sons and husband about it, for you to be able to make a sound decision based on what truly matters the most for you, being realistic and truthful at the same time.

Customer: My husband won't talk to me about it.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Work on this process being unconditionally gentle, understanding, patient, compassionate and supportive with yourself, in this way you would be able to cope, choose what truly works for you and grow from this challenging experience.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then he has already decided what he wants and will do. The same way, you have the right and need to choose what is the best for you.

Customer: Yes I know what he wants...huge wont budge and tells me t go
Customer: Whoops he won't budge
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then each of you know your priorities. Now it is about taking consistent actions in order to fulfill them, with the right means and support.

Customer: I have thought about this for quite sometime. Thank you I appreciate your advise
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. I support you and hope you further fulfillment and well-being during this challenging but necessary and worthy process.

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