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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3386
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I feel unwanted

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My boyfriend has been stressed out, for two years he has been involved in a legal case against his workplace. For these two years, I have tried to be supportive, and I went to live in Japan for a year for study, but I thought that would give him the space he needed to relax. I have been back for 2 months now and he hasn't touched me. He doesn't pat my butt like he used to when we first started dating, or kiss, hug or just cuddle me in bed. I feel unattractive and unwanted, but he keeps telling me, "it's just stress, I love you". I'm so upset, and I have tried buying lingerie, leaving the bathroom door open when I shower and tonight I left my towel in the lounge, so I had to walk naked past him to get it. He just said, "please don't, I'm not in the mood." For the past week I have been sleeping in the other bedroom to try and get him to miss having my body next to him when we sleep, but I don't think he has noticed. Are there any suggestions? 

I just tried snuggling into him, and he yelled at me; he said I don't listen to anything he says, he just "isn't interested at the moment!" 

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

It is clear you love him and desire him and leaving is not an option for you. So it comes down to whether you can tolerate this space of just being there for him in the supportive way you have and leave intimacy out of it for now based on what he can give at the moment. His stress level is making it tough to connect in that way, so maybe giving him the space he is asking for will allow him to come toward you when he is ready.


None of that is easy for you, but you don't have any other options now other than to respect his wishes. If you cannot, then leaving is an option but that is not what either of you desire. Sit tight and love him and support him.

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