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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Earlier this week I got into a very bad fight with a friend

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Earlier this week I got into a very bad fight with a friend and I am not sure about my next steps. He have been very good friends for about three years and although he has recently moved to another state we exchange emails throughout the day. He requested my assistance on a presentation he was preparing for work an d I gave him what I thought was helpful feedback. His response was that my feedback was the worst he had ever received. When I expressed my anger and said even if he didn't agree I still was doing him a favor and he should just say thank you and not use them, he accused me of having an eggshell psyche. I later emailed him that I felt he used me and that I let him. Understandably he took offense and said he should stop emailing for a like bit. I agreed but the next day sent an email saying that he did use me as his confidante but our relationship was nor reciprocal as he didn't know basic things about me (he has never asked). A day or so later I sent an email apologizing for being hurtful.

I have his email blocked so I don't know if he ever responded or not. My question is do I keep him blocked and just let it go? What I said was true. I do feel used but I really do care about him. I have a suspicion that he is a narcissist but I can be over sensitive too.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry that the both of you have gone through this, it feels very awkward and a difficult situation. It seems that you have had other underlying issues with him and this issue has just brought forward and highlighted that there are some issues within this friendship that needed addressing.

It might be best for you to decide if you want to open up lines of communication with him - possibly to bring these points to the table or not open them and leave him blocked - in which case you will need to close the chapter and his friendship and this part of your life.

Do you feel you can close this chapter or do you want to resolve this and just end the friendship but have some closure before doing so? Only you can decide as it is hard to just "forget" about friends - especially if you have unsaid things left over still. If you care about him but would like to apologize and leave it be and see if he contacts you, then you could unblock his email and give him the opportunity to do so. You however, did the right thing by apologizing for your hurtful words, so good for you, as you have not allowed yourself to be full of hate.

Sometimes, when confrontations like this happen, only time can help you both to calm down emotionally and then perhaps you can both see more with clarity and it will only be through this clarity that you will both be able to agree to disagree and move on.

Blocking him on email means you cannot get any dialogue going, if you unblock him - you provide him with the opportunity to apologize or at least to communicate with you. If you keep him blocked - you could only really do this, providing you can and are prepared to put a line under this friendship with this guy and move on. With both of your personalities clashing somewhat and your traits being on opposite sides - it makes your situation that little bit harder, however - your gut feeling will tell you what it is you will need to do about this, because I hear that you care about him too..

I truly do hope this is helping, friendships are so important - yet it's also important to not feel disrespected, misunderstood and unappreciated, so I totally respect why this is bothering you and why you're in such a dilemma, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Thank you for your response. I agree. This is obviously not just about a work presentation (and I told him that). I do feel used by him but this was obviously not the way to broach that subject. I guess I am not sure what to do now. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to speak to me right now so I will give it some space and maybe reach out in a month or so. At the same time, I have been a very good friend to him (I even helped him get a job with my agency which he left for a better offer after only a month--hurting my reputation).

Hi there,

Yes, I think that is a very good idea - give it some time and for things/ emotions to settle somewhat and then recontact or send an email. I hear that you feel used by him - all the more reason to ensure if you do unblock him that he acknowledges and at the very least, can appreciate your position - especially with him leaving a job you set up for him so quickly and hurting your reputation in the process. Do look after yourself - this is important no matter what your decision though. My best to you.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service positively, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you and I hope you resolve this situation one way or another.

Karin