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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have a customer who is insulting. Why do people do this

Resolved Question:

I have a customer who is insulting.
Why do people do this and, what is the pay off , the reason he or anyone else feels the need to do so?
Its happened to me more than once. Thanks
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : The reason why people are insulting is because they are either jealous or do not feel good about themselves so they put others down.
Deardebra : It is inconsiderate for someone to be insulting and being this way gets you nowhere.
Deardebra : What people do not realizeis if your nice you get more in return. When a customer is nice you waant to go that extra mile to be good to them. But when someone is insulting you do not even want to deal with them as a customer.
Deardebra : The best way to handel someone like this is to say soemthing positive some times people do not even know they are being rude. It is best to just be positive and not listen to this type of negativity. You want to focus on the customers that are nice too you.
Deardebra : Some times people feel the need to be in control and some times peopLe just can not realte with others properly. It could have been how they were raised
Deardebra : Some times people have so much on their minds and they could be having a bad day that they take it out on others. People often can not balance their lives to seperate what is going on in their lives that they do not see how rude they are being.
Deardebra : The next time this person is your customer, great them with a smile and be very positive, no matter what insult they say just smile.
Deardebra : It is very hard to change a person that is this way. It is wrong to insult anyone and this person should be told that they are insulting, but I feel the way to handle it is be nice and hopefully they see it is better to be nice and treat people with kindness.
Deardebra : People when they do not feel good about themselves they find fault in others so that people can not see that they do not feel good about themselves. They hide behind behind this negative exterior appearing that they are strong and in control. But what really ia happening is they do not want others to know they feel weak and some times overwhelmed about life.
Deardebra : Thank you again for your question.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you
he is a long time customer.
This time I told him to their is no need to talk to me like this way and that I heard his concern.
Is this okay?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He hasnt written back yet, but I fear it will be insulting again.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
I agree with what you wrote because you were direct and also explained that you are trying to help him as well. It sounds like he thinks that if he is rude that he gets your attention, but he needs to see that if he is kind that you will get more by being nice. He seems to think if he is rude he will get more, but he's wrong. If he writes back and is rude then you address it again that you are doing your best to help him, but it is best for us both to solve the problem with out being insulting. He has concerns you are helping him there is no need to be rude.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes thanks !!!
Two things I suspect and agree with you on...
He hides behind the negative to be seen as in control, to hide insecurities.
Also, I think he is looking for attention.
I appreciate the opportunity to run this by you, and your suggestions are well taken.
Good evening
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
He seems like he needs to be in charge and feels that he gets more with insults. I feel this is all he knows. It is like he needs to be taught that people should not be treated this way. I feel he has always acted like this and might not even realize his behavior is inappropriate and bothers others. He doesn't realize that if he was nice people would respond better.
If you need anymore help I am here to answer all questions.
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