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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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I asked this girl out a few days ago, she said yes, we were

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I asked this girl out a few days ago, she said yes, we were talking and seemed like we connected. Then before we go out she says we "have to talk." Said she moved back in with her boyfriend after breaking up with him and moving out last week. Said she loves him and he wants it to work out and he wants to change. The problem is he is extremely jealous and possessive of her and will do things like grab the phone out of her hand when someone calls for her and he always has to know everything about who she's going out with and why and where. She originally approached me to start talking weeks ago and that's how we started chatting and I suggested going out. Thing is, she says she "doesn't know" where her relationship with him stands, and she's together "but also broken up" with him. Said she "had" to move back in with him to be closer to her job. What should I do? It's clear she likes me and said if anything happened I would be the first to know. How do I get her to see what a colossal jerk her (ex-)boyfriend is?
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I have over 10 years of experience helping people with relationship problems.

It does sound like her ex has some problems, and while it may be tempting to point that out to her, the decision to leave him is one that she is going to have to make on her own. If she does leave him for you, it's important that she doesn't feel pressured into that so that she doesn't start to question why she made her decision in the future. In a lot of ways it sounds like she already knows that he is a jerk, so directly confronting it may frustrate her more than help her to make her decisions. Unless she asks your opinion or seems open to advice, you may want to be careful about pushing the issue too hard.

One of the best things you can do is to show her that you are completely different than this guy. By treating her well and not being jealous or possessive, that should start to make her question herself and why she is staying in this current situation with her ex. It sounds like she is there more because he wants to work it out rather than herself, and it is certainly possible that as she continues to get to know you better and starts to see how things could be with you, that it will help to inspire her to make this decision on her own. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

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