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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello Kate, I am a 55 year old married man currently going

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Hello Kate, I am a 55 year old married man currently going through the processes of separation. I am seeing a registered Therapist to get Expert assistance to help me deal with the personal issues surrounding the separation. A complication has arisen that has caused me to seek outside help. A few months ago I was introduced to a woman (a close friend of the therapist) who I developed immediate and strong feelings for. This situation has created a conflict in my relationship with my therapist. Although my therapist ensures me that our conversations are bound by client/therapist privilege, I’m somewhat hesitant to discuss my feelings for this woman with my therapist, her close friend. The woman, who I have a Expert work relationship with currently, has told me that she is somewhat involved in a relationship and I feel that she has no idea of my strong feelings for her. She acts very friendly and sometimes flirtatious towards me and I feel that we connect well when we’re together. I honestly feel that I have met someone who could be my “soulmate”. Thoughts of her are constantly on my mind, however, I realistically don’t see our relationship turning into a romantic one. I approached her once to meet outside the workplace, however, she told me that her “Expert code” wouldn’t allow her to do that. Although I enjoy her company, I feel that the longer I continue to see her the harder it will be when I finally have to admit that I’m just living a romantic fantasy. Part of me wants to tell her of my feelings for her while my rational side tells me to just sever our Epert relationship without explanation and then try to remove thoughts of her from my memory. I have no idea what I should do – if anything. Your insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Hello and thank you for requesting my help.
If you feel relatively sure that this relationship has little chance of actually developing into more, then it may be wise to try to let it go and move on. You mentioned many issues with this relationship so far and it has not even developed into a romantic one yet. There is a conflict caused to your relationship with your therapist, difficulty working with this person because of how you feel, she has declined to meet you outside of work and she shows no interest in developing a relationship because she is already involved in one herself.
Given all the difficulties, it might be good to let this go. That is not easy to consider, especially if you feel strongly about this person and this relationship is in the infatuation stage, at least for you and maybe for her. But given the issues facing pursuing this relationship, letting go now will help you move on when this is new and not later when you are more involved.
If you do decide to let go, it may be helpful to allow yourself to grieve. Try to talk to friends, family and anyone who you can trust. It might be hard to talk with your therapist given her relationship with this person so if you feel it would help to see someone else in the meanwhile you can consider doing that. Also, try taking care of yourself. You will need extra time to cope with what you feel.
I hope this has helped you,
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for the prompt response - although not the one I was hoping for!
I neglected to mention that my therapist and I both agreed a few weeks ago to end our sessions given the conflict.
one further question - I've learned over the years to never try to guess what someone else is thinking. Do you think it wise or in some way beneficial to me to be honest with the woman I hold feelings for and explain to her why I can longer deal with her? Or should I just walk away from the situation without explanation?

Yes, it is ok to explain to her why you need to cut off contact. That actually would be helpful just in case you need to deal with her on any other level such as professionally. Hopefully she will respect the boundaries between you and stop flirting and being more friendly than she needs to so you can move on and heal. Kate

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