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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I meet this guy online about 3 or 4 weeks ago.

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I meet this guy online about 3 or 4 weeks ago. We exactly meet in person last week, but he is not the most attractive man I ever met. Anyways, we have never been on a date yet and contacts me by text daily but not much phone calls. Today he asked me to call at 3:30 pm if I could. I said ok then call by that time. Anyways he brought a discussion about him talking his semi-annual aids test and told he does not have it but like to keep healthy. Which I told him ok, and I don't have it also. He made a comment because I don't trust people especially mexican's and gadaumuale (sorry don't know how to spell it), and If get anything from them I will kill them, he made the comment twice. In my head, I am like okay why do you have sex with them if you don't trust them. My question is this we are suppose to go on a date in 2 weeks, and I have cold sores, but have not told him. From that comment alone he made, I am thinking about telling him we are not a match and just ended things with us. I don't feel I have to tell him I have cold sores if this is his reaction with std's and people from other races. He started to curse regarding their race and said from now on he will only date black woman.  I look at the phone, and start thinkin anyone can get stds. but never said anything. What should I do, follow my first mind?

Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I would most definitely follow your initial instinct as he comes across as quite extreme in this way of thinking about people. Also, the way he talks about women from different ethnic backgrounds comes across as quite demeaning and without any real evidence. He has very black and white thinking and this type of person will not take kindly to you not disclosing your medical issues - particularly seeing as you're aware of it, you can't deny knowledge of his feelings and beliefs about such things and such people.

Trust your gut feeling. He doesn't deserve to be with you if he cannot accept people for who they are and he certainly sounds like he has issues around trust but also around acceptance of differences in people.

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

So how should I approach the this situation? in telling him that I believe things will not work out because he may want and explantion as of why.

Hi T,

You could explain that you don't feel things are going to work out as you are both quite different people. You could say that you realize that your way of thinking is very different to how he sees things and its made you think twice about how you think things will progress within this situation. It doesn't require too much of an explanation, dates arranged online get canceled for all sorts of reasons so try not to over think it too much. It's hard to say to an almost-stranger that you think their beliefs and assumptions around different races bothers you and how he talks about people, do you know what I mean? So, sparing his feelings would be an option, as being quite direct about it - could make him react in a hostile way, hence why I'm saying keep it brief and vague.

Also, he shouldn't really be pressuring you into giving him any kind of detailed explanation as that wouldn't be good etiquette so ensure that he doesn't press you too much. He should respect your decision and back off as you're not obliged to go out on a date with him and are free to cancel any time you want and you could just say that you've changed your mind about dating at present and leave it at that. But it would be important to do this soon if its what you want to do.

Best of luck,