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I have been dating my girlfriend for 17 months. she asked to

marry me 3 months into...
I have been dating my girlfriend for 17 months. she asked to marry me 3 months into our relationship. when I met her; she was married to a man. she just finalized her divorce this past march. she has two kids with him. they live in the same house because their house is not on the market even yet. they are slowly fixing it up to sell it. anyway...it is her sons' birthday today, he turned 13. she also has a 7 year old girl. my question is...I was not asked to attend any part of the birthday today. I feel left out. am I being unreasonable?
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Answered in 35 minutes by:
6/9/2013
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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jenhelant : Hi, does she still live with her ex or just the kids?
Customer:

hi, ohh she lives with her ex and kids.

Customer:

hello?

Customer:

im here ...

Customer:

hello?

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

my question ~ if you have a significant other (my fiancé) and you don't live with them and they have kids...it is normal to not be a part of (at least a tiny bit) birthday celebrations? I understand she wants to spend the day/time with her kids and especially the birthday boy...but...am I being unreasonable feeling left out?

I understand how you feel. I believe you have the right to feel left out of a birthday celebration if you both have been together for a while and have a good relationship with the kids and her. However, I think the problem is that her ex is still there. This may be preventing her from inviting you, so I think this is the main issue that may need to be discussed and worked through. I think you are not being unreasonable because if you are together now then she should be trying to move from her ex. If it was personal time with her children is one thing, but if it was a celebration where others were invited then the way you feel is reasonable.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago


thank you for getting back to me. there were no other people with them today...just my lady and her 2 kids. I would have been happy had she suggested we meet at the mall or a park etc. she wouldn't invite me there because the ex is still there. peggy (my fiancé) had my little dog for a while because I had an incident with my house in feb due to the snow we had and her ex was afraid of him so to get my dog to go back upstairs, he put a rope around his neck and lifted him off of the floor. this, in turn, prompted me to call the law and ever since that day (last month) the son has been a little funny towards me. I always feel peggy is sheltering her kids and wanting them all to herself. I am very p.o'ed about this situation and I am not sure if we would ever make it as a unit....especially because of the kids.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Relist: Incomplete answer.
solutions.therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 19
Experience: LPC Parenting, divorce, siblings, children
Verified
Hi! Welcome to JustAnswer. I look forward to visiting with you, listening to you and helping to facilitate an answer to your concern.

You had mentioned an offer of marriage. It seems there may need to be some work done on blending the family together. The birthday seemed to show that. The dog incident could have certainly contributed to the birthday situation. This situation is unique, in that she continues to live with her ex. Patience may be the best course in this matter. Until the living arrangements change, it is just going to be hard for the family to move on. The children should be a priority and I think they are going to have a hard time creating a different family dynamic while they are still living with their parents. Divorce, families and blended families will always have difficult situations. The best option for you , your girlfriend, and the children will be to find ways for all three adults to get along. Take your time in blending this family. Time will build trust.
solutions.therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 19
Experience: LPC Parenting, divorce, siblings, children
Verified
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