Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Follow up

http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/7slvx-dated-someone-last-year-months-seems.html So...I know your answer was...
http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/7slvx-dated-someone-last-year-months-seems.html

So...I know your answer was this person isn't good for any relationship. But...so I backed off completely. He was still using the online dating site a lot, and I figured clearly he is interested in that and I'm not hearing from him so forget this. After not hearing from me for a while (we played online word games daily) he tried to start up the flirting again. I very nicely and jokingly told him he shouldn't get people excited if he isn't following through. We took the conversation more serious and I said that he gave me some mixed messages and that I had thought he might be interested...and now I was feeling toyed with.

I called later that evening and he was very friendly and excited to talk. After talking for a while I finally brought up the conversation saying that I wasn't mad or anything, but that I was confused. He tried to say that he knew he was a flirt and he was sorry. I said, "Well I hope you weren't flirting with your exes like that when you dated me?" And he said said No.

Without my asking, he said that he was open to dating again, but it wasn't something he was going to jump into and we could hang out as friends first and see where things go. And he said, "I hate to say it but I've been dating the last couple of months." I said, "Oh you have? But you told me women tell you no all the time and you lost motivation." He said, "Well most women tell me no but some say yes. It's nothing serious but yeah I've been dating." I know him well enough to know if he was dating one person serious he wouldn't have put an ad up online. Actually I think if he was dating one person unserious, I don't think that he would have suddenly put an ad up. The ad has only been up a few weeks, so I'm wondering is he really actually seeing someone on a weekly basis that he has started focusing on, or was he just saying this to see my reaction. I also know how those online ads go for guys, it's hard for guys to get much response out of them in the first place, let alone find someone you really hit it off with.

The whole thing seems weird and I'm kind of mad. I almost feel like he put some bait out to see if I'd respond, then when I finally asked what he was thinking, he talked to me as though I'm asking him to get back together like it's my idea but we will have to go at his pace. I have an ex that used to do this, but I didn't think this guy was this way. We did talk for a while on the phone and I emphasized that I was interested in hanging out as friends so that we could get to know each other and understand each other better, that I felt we had had a lot of misunderstandings. And honestly, this was really my true intention. I am open to be more than friends again, but was wanting to develop more of a friendship first so we were both comfortable or to see what was going on between us. I wasn't about to ask him out on a romantic date anytime soon, so I am a bit annoyed that I was treated as such.

Is what he was doing some sort of trick on me to see if I'm interested? I really don't think he plays games, if he is doing these things on purpose he is probably genuinely confused himself. Sine the phone conversation he hasn't checked the online ad.

I can go along with this and just see where things go…tell myself okay this guy didn't want to be vulnerable so might have tricked me into showing interest. If I go with this, I will probably have to initiate asking to hang out, his history seems to be having women take the lead. Or the second, I'm wondering if I became a backup plan? Can't imagine he would do that but am not excited about letting him get away with that sort of behavior or putting myself in that position.

Part of me is mad and annoyed that he felt the need to tell me he's been dating. We're both free agents and I already know that, I've dated a couple of guys over the last year myself and I would assume he's gone on dates or SOMETHING over the last year. I almost felt like it was an arrogant thing to say, I would like to think he is smart enough to know I have options myself. (I am considered pretty attractive to most guys) My thinking is, if you met someone that you are focused on, then say that and say we can be friends but I'm seeing someone. But other than that, I don't understand why he said that. And especially after giving me these signals like he was trying to show interest in dating me. Was this a trick?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 46 minutes by:
6/8/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe that he just likes the attention he gets and he needs the assurance that someone likes him more than he needs the actual relationship.

He may be toying with you, but not on the conscious level. You seem to be a catch - someone that many men would like to know and date. Others would make the effort. He does not. In a sense he has you hooked because you care enough for him and are willing to put up with him. He seems to like to see how far he can push you.

He is not doing this on the conscious level, as I mentioned, but it does reveal his thinking.

He tells you that he is dating to build himself up and to try to make you jealous.

Wouldn't you prefer a man of action who will sweep you into his arms and lavish attention and kindness upon you? You do not seem to be a take-it-or-leave-it kind of a woman and you probably deserve a lot better than what he is giving you.

I think there is too much game playing in this relationship. It is all introduction and prelude, but the relationship never seems to get under way. He is very juvenile and at this point may never grow up. It is up to you whether to continue or not, but if you are not satisfied, it begins to lose meaning.

I wish you success and wisdom, and shall continue to keep you in my prayers

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I need some advice on whether on not to contact my ex. We
Hello, I need some advice on whether on not to contact my ex. We broke up in Nov after a year and a half. We had some ups and downs and were also doing long distance. In the end, poor communication di… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I met my fiance' d9ughter last night after 5 years. He did
I met my fiance' d9ughter last night after 5 years. He did nit raise her but they started to have a relationship about 3 years ago. Anyway, I met her and I do not like her at all. She played as if she… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Hypothetical but it happens: I see this all the time, what
Hypothetical but it happens: I see this all the time, what to do in this situation? Husband has not had sex with wife in over 10 years but keeps track of any potential romantic behavior and interferes… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
It's been 4 days now without contact. During the night I
It's been 4 days now without contact. During the night I began to realise that K will never change her mind. She broke with an email and said in it that if I cared for her I would respect her decision… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I'm really hurted actually and just looking for advices
Hello, I'm really hurted actually and just looking for advices about what to do while so confuse once I already was betrayed in my past relationship. My English is not so good I'm sorry. Well, 3 month… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been back together for 2 weeks now and in the middle had one serious argument. After the argument i apologized cuz it was my misjudgement. She acce… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
My husband flirts with women on FB. He will friend women
My husband flirts with women on FB. He will friend women from far away who pose sexy selfies and he comemets on their beauty and so forth. I feel this is cheating. Now there is messages going on in hi… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I ONLY WANT THERAPIST Oh Boy Again! Wait til you hear this
I ONLY WANT THERAPIST JENOh Boy Again! Wait til you hear this one.... it's back to Darcy my favorite ...So last night I stopped by a local sports bar for a beer... I've been taking a “Heart Break” and… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I started talking to a girl on a dating website about three
Hi. I started talking to a girl on a dating website about three weeks ago, and we've been on 2 dates so far. I REALLY like her - she's sweet, cute, fun...but last week, after our second date, I went t… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I decided to mutually path ways 4 days ago
My boyfriend and I decided to mutually path ways 4 days ago because of his career choices and my family issues. 2 days after the pathing, he visited me at my house and we agreed that all we experienci… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
For expert: today I am arriving at his city and stay for two
For expert Martin: Hi today I am arriving at his city and stay for two weeks. I haven't contacted him since that grumpy message probably because I m not happy that he was avoiding me. Now can you give… read more
Martin
Martin
Electrical engineer
Bachelor's Degree
486 satisfied customers
I was only conceived for the mental health of my elder
I was only conceived for the mental health of my elder sister who was a mistake. Is this a reasonably normal background please?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
I went though my girlfriends phone and she was watching me
I went though my girlfriends phone and she was watching me to see what I was going through and looking at and was wondering if that's a red flag .She said she just wanted to see what I was looking at … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I am looking for some unbiased help on my relationship. She
i am looking for some unbiased help on my relationship … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos I noticed while organizing our old photos that she kept a number of photos (7 or 8) of an old boy friend. She dated him off and on for about… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in
Hello I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in law-enforcement. Over five years ago I met a woman through my work and her daughter was 11 at the time. She was with somebody then so I thought noth… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we
my girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we attend the same church . We had both been out of long term relationships and healed each other before forming our own relationship. We were going great and madly Inlove .her behavior was amazing towards me with no signs of changing for the worse up until November 2017 we were having these tiny but annoying arguments mostly caused by me and my trust issues I will admit . So I called her one morning to make up for an argument we had the night before and she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me anymore and she does not want the relationship anymore . I freeze but go about the usual desperate plead and beg route which made her even more upset . We attend church that Sunday and when she sees me she feels the love again and we speak normal for 2 weeks not officially together yet but making moves she evens sends me a detailed email telling me how impressed she is and it will help us going forward . I push to hard the next day of this email and upset her all over again. That weekend before Christmas 2017 she goes totally cold towards me and destroys me in a phone call and tells me I am obsessed with her etc. she drops me a further bombshell the week of Christmas by telling me she is going to meet her ex for breakfast and I need to be mature about it . I decide then and there I am done with this and I cut off all contact with her . No calls or texts and emails . So about 2 weeks go by and she sends me a text ‘hey you have just crossed my mind hope you are well' I respond 5 hours later with ‘I am well . Hope you well,take care' the next week she sends me a pointless text to which I just respond with thank you and this week she sends me a long detailed apology email informing me that she is sorry for pain she had caused me and I am truly a great guy and she doesn't understand why she had so much built up anger toward me and till this day she can't seem to know why she got so upset with me and she doesn't deserve me etc . I responded with a simple thanks for the apology and she said she does not know why she took so long to apologize something just held her back . I don't hate her at all it not in my nature to hold grudges but this girl ruined my holidays and told me really hurtful stuff while she was out having a blast . And now suddenly she feels apologetic. Please advise … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous when they mention or are with hanging other guys. (I'm a 20 year old guy) I don't know why though, I don't like getting jealous but I can't hel… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x