How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Dear Elliott, Im still very much in love with a man from

Customer Question

Dear Elliott,

I'm still very much in love with a man from whom I separated 2 months ago. We hadn't been seeing eachother long - just four months - but there was something so instinctively right about it all which at our ages (we're in our mid forties) we both recognised and talked about freely.

Our split was unremarkable - I got petulant about time I knew deep down he couldn't give me (he has a very demanding job and travels all over the world, away for several weeks at a time) and unlike previous occasions (I'm afraid I've done it more than once) he said that he loved me too much to make me unhappy but just can't give me the time I "deserve".

Two months on we're still in touch sporadically and as recently as last week he was still insisting that he loves me, misses me and can't stop thinking about me but won't change his mind about our relationship. He said he wished we'd met 20 years ago because he thinks we'd have had a good life together. There's definitely no one else - I was his first proper relationship in fifteen years - but I'm frustrated that despite the feelings we have for eachother (and I've no reason to doubt them) he won't take the risk of having a go. I know risk frightens him and am trying to give him the space he needs and be patient.

Should I just put this one down to experience and try to move on?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

This seems to be a predicament that cannot be solved if you have a job and are committed to being nearby. If not, you might be able to accompany him on some of his travels.

If not, and his lifestyle is going to include long absences then you can possibly convince him that you can accept these absences and keep in touch with Skype, phone, email, etc.

If you think that this would be too difficult for both of you, or if he won't accept it, then you will do best to move on.

In a real sense, he has chosen career over romance, and his career now has to come first.

If this is his decision, I am afraid that your best option is to go along with it and move on with your life, and make a clean break. If he has a complete change of heart (rather than just hanging on while saying it won't work) then he will let you know, and if you are still available and willing then you can restart your relationship on new terms.

Otherwise, you will just muddle along with a relationship to which he already does not want to commit.

I wish you courage and wisdom, and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,