How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5810
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistMaryAnn is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My partner of six years (we have Been living together for 5

This answer was rated:

My partner of six years (we have Been living together for 5 years in a "committed" relationship) intentionally puts Viagra in his prescription bottle when he travels without me. He says he does not "pleasure himself ever" . This action is making me crazy. I don't know how to address this with him. He will be angry that I "snooped" in his toiletry kit. We have a good sexy life. How can I bring this up to him? Does he do this in case he has an " opportunity" to have sex with someone on his business travels? He has lied to me before on other occasions. What do I do ? It's making me so depressed and angry!
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

There are two things going on here. One is that you are concerned your partner is cheating or doing something that will hurt you. Two, you looked in his personal items without his knowledge. Both of these concerns are part of a larger picture- you are finding it hard to trust your partner right now.

You would not have looked at his things if you did not feel there was some reason to do so. If he has lied to you in the past, then that could be enough to make you suspicious of his behavior. Lack of trust in a relationship undermines it and makes it hard to feel you are a couple. Rather, you feel you are on opposite ends trying to protect yourself.

Although your partner might be upset you looked in his personal things, it is probably better that you be honest with him. Otherwise, this will never get cleared up between you and the mistrust will remain, undermining your relationship. Tell him that you need to speak to him about something then as gently as you can, tell him what happened. But also mention that you feel there is mistrust between you and tell him why. Depending on how he reacts, you can go from there.

If you feel it is worth working on the relationship, consider counseling. It would be helpful to even have a few sessions just to get you both on the same page with each other so you can heal from this.

You also may want to work on rebuilding trust between you. Here are some resources to help:

I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration by Cindy Beall (for marriage but it can also work in relationships)

The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships by Cynthia Lynn Wall LCSW and Sue Patton Thoele

Most of all, focus on keeping the communication between you honest and open. That way, your relationship can grow.

I hope this has helped you,
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Thank you so much for the positive rating and generous bonus. I appreciate it!

My best to you and your partner,
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Im afraid that confronting him would end our relationship. We have been so happy in all other areas. I want to ask him, "is he a sex addict?" "is he a closet homosexual?" . I have nothing against being gay.. I just want to know!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Im afraid that confronting him would end our relationship. It's so confusing! We have been so happy and he says he loves me. I want to ask him "are you a sex addict?". " are you a closet homosexual?" I have nothing against being gay. I just want to know. The secrecy is killing me! He is traveling this next week to Russia (of all places!)


It's understandable that you would be fearful of confronting him. The last thing you want is to try to address this then have him leave rather than deal with it. But you may want to keep in mind that if he would leave as a result of this situation, that will tell you a lot about him. For one, he was not committed to your relationship which means just about anything would make him leave. That is not a good partner to have, especially if you find yourself in need someday. And two, if he does leave, he most likely was doing something he should not have been. And if so, your relationship was not strong because of what he was doing. While that is hard to consider, it also empowers you to know this was about his issues and not you.

It may be helpful to wait to see how he explains the situation to you before asking him if he is gay or a sex addict. You don't want to add things that might hurt him and cause him to close off to you. Wait to see what he says and ask general questions. If he won't tell you, then keep trying. What he says will tell you if he might be gay or have a sexual addiction issue.


Related Relationship Questions