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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My longtime boyfriend and I have split. I so desperately want

Customer Question

My longtime boyfriend and I have split. I so desperately want to get back with him. I'm pregnant with his baby. We still hang out sometimes. We even kissed yesterday. He calls me every morning to make sure I am ok. But when I say I want to get back together he says he needs time to think. At first he said we would never get back together. Now he says he is not sure and is scared he will regret letting me go. I was fine and moving on until I came to get my belongings from him. He started to cry and said it was the hardest thing he had ever done. He tells me he misses me and still cares for me but he doesn't love me like he used to. But he still stays in touch with me. I want him back so badly. Can someone tell me how to make him mine again? Please?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you.

This man obviously cares deeply for you. No matter what happens, he will be tied to you through the baby, and will also be responsible for child support whether or not you marry someone.

He needs to have that fact in his consciousness since he will always be tied to you, for the next 18 years. Since you get along and he cares for you, and since the early passion of most relationships fades into a calmer and more enduring love, then you must explain that to him.

I think that he is having trouble growing up and facing responsibilities. He is acting like a boy who does not want to do what he needs to do. I believe that he loves you, and you need to talk to him about making a life for the baby, who will soon be another living person belonging to the both of you and needing the both of you.

I do not believe that he doesn't love you, from what you have told me, but that he is just frightened of growing up.

Ask him how he feels about becoming a father. Tell his he may not think about it as you do, because the baby is living inside of you right now and you are never alone and never forget that it is his as well.

Ask him if he can try to do the right thing and stay with you. He may never find someone who loves him as much as you do, and he may never find anyone that he cares about as much as he does with you.

Tell him that he will always regret abandoning his child, and his child's mother and it will always haunt him.

You must try to reach him more with emotions than with logic. He can rationalize logical answers but he cannot suppress his feelings for long.

May I suggest a book to give to him:

Fatherhood: Rising to the Ultimate Challenge by Etan Thomas, Nick Chiles and Tony Dungy

Most of all, keep praying. I shall also keep you all in my prayers.

If I can be of further help, don't hesitate to get back to me.

Warm regards,