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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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I have known S. for almost 2 months. We hit it off immediately.

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I have known S. for almost 2 months. We hit it off immediately. He started courting me like a gentleman but it was almost too much considering that we had just met. I was flattered but was not sure how to react. He was operated for 2 herniated discs 4 weeks ago and has been in a lot of pain ever since. However, we have been getting closer and closer every day (texting and he calls me every night) over the last 4 weeks or so. I have been spending the last 4 week ends at his place and sleeping in his bed, although we have not slept together yet. I am falling for him and he texted me yesterday that "he was very much in love with me and that he would fight to get better for both of us". I liked him from the very beginning but have been burnt before so I am being cautious. Yesterday he texted me three times that he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I asked him to tell me over the phone but he did not and I was disappointed that he did not. I am very happy but I am wondering does HE REALLY MEAN that he loves me???? Isn't it a bit fast? I am very confused and feel very vulnerable. Do I need a good reality check? He's 42 and I am 45.
How can you tell when a man really loves you?

Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I have over 10 years of experience helping people with relationship problems.

I can certainly understand why you would feel like things are moving very fast. It is possible that he firmly believes that he loves you, although it is somewhat of a mixed signal that he wasn't able to say it over the phone. It's understandable to be cautious about this man getting so emotionally involved so quickly, and while things may turn out perfectly fine, love is usually something that is easier to believe in once trust has been more firmly established, and that type of trust is hard to create in two months, even if everything seems perfect.

Unfortunately there isn't a perfect way to tell whether or not a man loves you, but I do think you'll know it when you get to that point. He may really mean that he loves you, but it also may not be possible for the relationship to have gotten to the point where you feel 100% confident in that love even if he believes it himself. If this is a man who falls in love quickly, you may want to consider taking the relationship at a reasonable pace until you are more confident that things will work out the way you hoped.

The other thing to consider is that he has been in a lot of pain, and is likely on medication for that pain. Both of those things can put someone into a heightened emotional state, so it is also possible that that is contributing to him being so emotional so quickly. He may still be very happy in your relationship, but also in somewhat of a complex emotional state himself which is reflected in the things he has been saying to you. It doesn't sound like there is any reason to doubt him, but at the same time after only two months it is understandable to be a little apprehensive about how quickly things are moving until you have established a deeper level of trust with him. At that point when he says that he loves you it will be much easier to tell and to believe it. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there is anything else I can do to help please let me know.


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