Deardebra : It seems like he is used to his dad behavior.
Deardebra : Some times your son does not want to get you more upset so he doesn't say anything almost like he does not want to bring attention to the behavior. I do not think he is taking sides I feel he didn't want to bring attention to the situation.
Deardebra : It is good that you have a good relationship with your son and it is good that you do talk with him about his dad because it helps you both understand what us happening.
Deardebra : He also might not of wanted to get involved hoping that things would settle down.
Deardebra : what you need to do with your husband is tell your husband about what he is doing.
Deardebra : What I want you to do is tell him thank you for cleaning the two plates. Thank you for vacuuming then he will see that you noticed what he has been doing.
Deardebra : it founds like he wants you to notice him, but he is doing very little like just doing a few dishes but leaving the kitchen dirty.
Deardebra : But he is doing it to try to prove that he is helping.
Deardebra : So I feel like you should praise him for what he is doing, see if that changes things he might begin to do more.
Deardebra : I feel your son knows and accepts his dad behavior because I feel he looks at his dad as his dad. He does not want to see his dad in that way so I feel he ignores the behavior.
Deardebra : I would talk to your son about how you feel. It will help him understand.
Deardebra : I feel your son just wants to understand a know what is going on with his dad. He might be confused and not know how to talk about it. So it helps to talk.
Deardebra : then if you tell your feeling then he might share his feelings as well.
Thank you for reply.
unfortunately I'm must say that they are dynamics I'm not sure that you understand
I will pose this question to a therapist tomorrow
thank you very much for your time in any regard
Deardebra : You welcome if you have anymore questions I will be happy to help you. Thank you again for your question.
Deardebra : If you need any help with understanding passive aggressive behavior I would be happy to help you as well thank you again.