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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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Hi. I know this sounds stupid but, me and this girl have been

Customer Question

Hi. I know this sounds stupid but, me and this girl have been talking for the past 6-7 months. She talks all the time about starting a family and getting married and all of that, but everytime I ask her to be my girlfriend, she just says she wants to take it slow and then talk about getting married and everything else I stated before.

But, my graduation is coming up and my family is planing to take me and her and them on a trip to New York. And, I know this sounds stupid, but I dont know how to ask her in a way that will convence her to come with me.

Hear me out, I ask her all the time about going on dates with her and before we used to do that over christmas and new years. But now, everytime I try to do something with her, she either makes an excuse like she is busy or lies to me and then I find out the truth later and she was just at home.

So, im not too sure on how to say it to at least get her to think about it. I actually think sometimes the reason on why she doesnt go with me is I think her mother may not want her to go out all the time. Her mom wasnt really in half of her childhood so I think that may be where some of the problems are. But, if somebody can help me out with this, that would be great! Thanks!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 4 years ago.
Hello and thank you for using JA

This girlfriend is giving you "mixed messages" and that is confusing and unfair. If we look at her recent nonverbal communication (her not going places with you), it says she is not interested in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

This might be the true test of getting her to be honest about her feelings. Tell her that your parents are giving you this great graduation gift and "they are letting me bring a friend. You are very special to me and I would like you to come along". If she says, "No, I can't", tell her that you are suspecting that she does not want a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship...and ask if that is correct. Ask her to please be honest with you. It is not fair for her to ":string you along".

You don't want to talk her into going if she is not interested in a relationship.Try and be honest with her and expect her to be honest with you.

I hope this helps......

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