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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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My gf cheated on me and I cant get over her. Her excuse was

Customer Question

My gf cheated on me and I can't get over her. Her excuse was she doesn't see me that much. I can tell we both wanna get back together but I don't know what to do
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 4 years ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are the one who was cheated on and now she is acting as if she's the victim. This is really, though, a very frequent turn of events.

Originally, the cheater, your girlfriend feels bad. She already feels bad and she wants forgiveness. She doesn't factor in that you're just hearing about it and haven't gotten used to her having done something bad like she's already gotten used to it. And so you're mad and flustered and hurt and betrayed. And it's newer to you than to her. So you blast her.

Then she gets hurt because you didn't forgive her like she wanted. She forgot, though, that it would take you time; you're human. So then she gets hurt that you didn't forgive her and she feels like she's felt bad enough that she deserves forgiveness. So you become the bad guy.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about.You need to put aside that whole situation. Instead, you need to take the time and decide for yourself how you really feel about her cheating on you. If you indeed feel like you want to forgive her and get back together, then do that.

You can call and tell her how it took you some time to deal with the situation. It's even okay and will help a lot if you say you're sorry that you blasted her; that you were very upset and that you hadn't had time to get used to what had happened.

Yes, it seems unfair that you should say you're sorry. But in relationships, women tend to have a much harder time saying they're sorry first. That's the way it is in far, far more relationships. And if you just get past that first you're sorry, then they are very loving and willing to acknowledge they did wrong things.

So, if you want to get back together, make that first move when you're ready and it will be much easier than waiting for her to say she's sorry first.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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