Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
My husband and I have always maintained a fun rapport between us, but we do have a serious problem in my opinion. He slowly began to withhold affection from me two years ago, when he got a different job. Our once passionate kissing, tender cuddling totally stopped. For two years-a mechanical peck/hug whenever one of us left/leaves the house. For a year, sex only happened if I initiated it. Now-no sex for 5 months, no matter what I have tried-sexy lingerie, new perfume, sensual massages-nothing has worked. The kissing has improved slightly at times. We've had many talks about this-which usually turns into arguments. He denies having an affair-laughed when I asked him. He insists he still loves me, finds me beautiful, etc, he just isn't in the mood for sex, due to job/financial stress. This doesn't make me feel any better-he knows how much I am hurting and will not compromise. We've been sleeping in seperate bedrooms for the past month now, my choice-I can't stand the constant rejection anymore. It's killing me inside. I feel like I'm his undesirable friend instead of his wife. He tells me if I leave him he'd be VERY upset and that things will get better "in a year or so, when money matters improve..." Is our marriage salvageable? My husband has ADD, I forgot to mention.
I was wondering what your thoughts were about my husband having ADD-if I could have more insight on ADD's effects on relationships that my be a little helpful.
He does not see a dr about his ADD, I asked him why-he said "Eh, it's no big deal.." I guess I forgot to mention that he does fly into verbal rages over anything that doesn't go his way at times. Including, in the past, if I would try and be extra affectionate. "Will you STOP IT?!?!" I would hear which would make me cry. I have lost my temper too about his unloving behavior, but cry more often than anything. I have been more physically ill over the past year than in the last five combined (stomach cramps, insomnia.)
I did leave him once and stayed with my mom for a few months. He called me and asked me to come back to him, that he was sorry things would be better. I loved him and I went back to him-things were great for a few months, then-same old, same old. I do think I need to leave again, I just don't know if I'll have the strength to. I don't want to still love him but I do.I can't figure out if he really loves me or if I'm just like a posession to him. In January he called me 23 times in 2 hours when I didn't pick up my cell-I feel trapped, confused, hurt, angered-everything, if that makes any sense.