There are some aspects of this situation that neither you nor your beloved, nor probably also Dr. Paige, can understand: Specifically that this these Healing Relationship phenomena, including the most honest thoughts and feelings you can be aware of, at not fully accessible to your consciousness. I have had the basic concepts in relationship history developments since 1975 when I learned them in Marriage & Family grad school (where they were not generally taught either) and the topics in "psychodynamic" or "depth" psychology of the Unconscious of Freud, Jung & their followers since first reading Freud & Psychoanalysis in 1962-71; and psychoanalysis has been neglected in all of my grad school courses (in Clinical Psych MA and 2 PhDs) except when I went after it myself; and I've further benefitted from the companion-studies and conversations with my wife, who had 10 yrs of Jungian analysis and better neo-Freudian therapy supervision that I ever got. Therapists can't get paid enough to justify studying the now-neglected deep-psychic knowledge as much as the perhaps 5% of living&practicing psychotherapists & grad school psychology & psychiatry professors have done; but those of us who've drunk deeply from those wellsprings are often as devoted to them as is any spiritual seeker to her or his guru-tradition.
(Sorry for the grandiose description of this tradition, but it is as beautiful, terrifying and intricate as the world's great art, literature and spirituality, and I don't get much occasion to honor it.)
That means that we can't be "honest" about these developments inside, except at those rare occasions when something significant changes for us, and we need to express what's confusing and often awkward and embarrassing because it's not the same "true feelings" that we were living up to this very moment.
Now to get more topical: 3.5 months is not usually enough to know who you have your heart&hands on in this relationship. In fact it normally takes 6 to 12 months just for the first major irreconcilable differences to emerge, some of which we can often live with quite adequately if motivated by other attractions that have endured that long. It's quite likely that your passion for her is MORE driven by the emotional intensity of HER desperation for the healing influence your kindness and adoration has had on her after the suffering that has been so central to her life with a strongly split good&evil man who's probably been her first great love, in addition to perhaps her strongly physical beauty, than by any carefully "objective" evaluation on your part of her wonderful qualities as a person: In short she may be MORE lovable to you by virtue of her intense receptivity to your love in her transition crisis than by virtue of any innate qualities, interests and compatibilities the two of you may have. But the differences between the present power of your love and the bigger picture of your suitability for each other can only emerge when your love--and the presently added intensity of being on the brink of losing the chance to continue it--have receded enough for more subtle features of the two of you to regain what would be their normal importance.
So when you're asking me how you can show her that she'll have the total package she needs if she only doesn't cast you aside because of the misbegotten timing of your romance, I'm thinking: What if this same misbegotten timing of your romance keeps you from weighing HER as the total package YOU need because you're so blown away by YOUR emotional response to HER immediate emotional needs?
In the face of all these unconscious psycho-mental-emotional currents that neither you, nor she, nor Dr. Paige nor I can measure, the only tolerable conclusion with some reassuring stability to it is "Time will tell." Dr. Paige says "make sure you're still in the ring--that is that she's still aware of your availability IF and when she's through with her own overwhelming dramatic changes. My concern about that strategy is that even a once-monthly reminder of the gentlest sort could trigger an increasingly repetitive twinge of embarrassment and guilt for her, that she's unthinkingly "led you on" with her ecstatic response to your contrasting treatment compared to her ex. So even your courageous devotion to her welfare may count less (in her mind) toward your "total package" qualifications than toward her self-indictment for "foolhardy toying with an innocent man's affections." And when repeatedly faced like that with her own unworthy behavior, she might just keep reinforcing her own impulse to keep pulling back away from you--until perhaps she finds a way to apologize enough for what she views as her own fault ("leading you on" when it was more NEED than LOVE as she would later define it) that she can feel like her own slate of mistakes has been wiped clear.
Perhaps by then your own Rose-Colored Glasses will have cleared up too. Then, if you're over your madly-in-love perspective on her, you might both be ready to meet again on a "level playing field." But HER recovery process from a long-lasting love and marriage is very unlikely to proceed as quickly as you would hope, which is why I suggested a period of years rather than a few months. Not much less than one year, nor more than 3 or 4 years--given what I know of divorce research.
I totally understand that you're not ready yet to evaluate another prospective love interest compared to the intensity that has been aborted with her. But that doesn't prove anything about what you'll feel 3 to 6 months from now. For only your opening up to loving when there are not yet any compelling emotional forces engaged can be partially chosen on the basis of "objective" criteria such as interests, education & careers, character strengths, life-styles and goals; and for a while those compelling emotional forces will continue to color your judgments about anybody you meet (and those compelling emotional colors will persist longer if you keep working diligently on how to maximize your chances of winning her back--and thus also keeping your hopes alive.
"Time will tell" because emotions are designed to change; but not in the same rational ways that we like to believe that our thoughts will change.
Now if you really want to maximize your chances of making sure you're still on her mind, and in a good way--imagine it this way: Your basic discrete and unpushy monthly message to her boils down to this: "I'm still carrying a torch for you. It lights up my days, and I like it like that."
So write whatever you feel like, briefly, each time. Whimsical little cards, drawings, flowers or gifts might go further than honest proclamations. But in your own private place, light a candle as a symbol of your torch, and let it burn quietly until it's all the way down to a drippy-wax stump. Concretizing what you're doing inside your mind in this way might give you a stronger experience of what you're trying to achieve, at least as of this month. It might have a beneficial effect on both her and you--and beneficial in the sense of what this "Time" needs to bring to pass for each of you, even if what that is turns out to be not the same for her as it is for you, and not predictable in advance by anybody. Not you, not her, and not either of us "experts."