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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5810
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Kate you would not believe this but the enmeshment has never

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Kate, you would not believe this but the enmeshment has never been an issue for my son all this time !!!! my perceptions were wrong all these years.
We had a long conversation about it . He was afraid to come home because he knew that I had an issue with it. the issues he suffers today are unrelated to me. I can't believe it. now I can finally feel that I can be myself around my son and not walk on eggshells because I know I didn't hurt him. and of course I will continue to set boundaries if needed. but he does show genuine care if he is hurting me. I believe we could be closer now without my fear getting in the way. he said that the enmeshment issues were gone years ago and now he thinks I can have less physical pain because this emotional burden was lifted off of me. awesome

( sorry about the typographical errors )
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
That is great, Dee! Good news. And I agree, it will help your relationship a lot to know you can be around him and not be concerned with the enmeshment issues.

When someone feels a lot of guilt, they usually suffer from low self esteem. Many women are raised to say "I'm sorry, it's my fault, etc" We are also taught to take care of others and put them before ourselves. So part of what you experience with your son may just be what you were taught. The other part could be part of the dynamic you experience with your husband. He is the abuser and you are the target/co dependent. But you are getting out of that now, working towards asserting yourself more. So things are changing for you and for your son.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
yes I can also see that dynamic between my husband and myself and how I might be transferring that on to my son. I hope knowledge is power for me this case. Thank you !
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
And your right low self esteem with guilt played a role and I was taught wrong.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
It is normal for that to happen, though. But the key is that you recognize it now and are dealing with it. That shows your strength and resilience.

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Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Thank you Dee!

It sounds like you are doing all the right things here. I'm so glad that your relationship with your son is improving :)


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