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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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please believe me Kate that I am NOT trying to be a pest today.

Resolved Question:

please believe me Kate that I am NOT trying to be a pest today. However I had a big blowout with my son today. He still has issues with me even though in therapy for four years. he's not treating me nicely and my tolerance is much less I let him have it today. he apologized and if telling me he still has issues. I asked him to move out if he could find a place to stay that he would feel healthier. he says he has nowhere to go. but I'm also walking on eggshells because of him now back in the
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hi Dee, no problem at all. I am always happy to hear from you.

After 4 years of therapy, your son should be able to recognize when he is feeling upset about something and correct it before he says something to you. It's one thing to discuss what is bothering him with you, but it's another to yell at you or say mean things.

You might be right, he could be copying what his father does with you. He may have witnessed his father treating you poorly and that is the way he feels it is ok to relate to you. It could be that he feels you will accept it so he expresses himself like his father does instead of using a healthier way to get his feelings out. He may also still be testing boundaries though by now he should be aware how he treats you is not ok.

It is fine to ask him to consider moving out if he feels he cannot control his emotions around you. However, you may want to try setting stronger boundaries with him until he does move on. If he leaves, he may end up continuing to treat you as he does now. This is an opportunity to teach him that it is not ok to treat you the way he is now. Tell him what you will accept in terms of his behavior and what you will not. Be firm but gentle. Tell him if he crosses these boundaries, you will push having him leave. You are the parent and you deserve respect no matter your history together.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you Kate for helping me set boundaries.
I texted him something similar to what you suggested.