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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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She told me she doesnt need me to reassure her, asking me

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She told me she doesn't need me to reassure her, asking me questions about what would I do If she told me everything I am giving and have done with her is not enough for her, since I should've done that from the beginning even after revealing the lie she feels now its just a matter of convenience for me and that I am still on probation in our relationship. Is she trying to push me away no kiss after dropping of her kids. I can see all her faults I am ok with them. my Gut feeling once again telling me shes wanting to pursue or give other men a chance I dont know. Her cable was turned off no internet connecting does she feel less because I can see her faults and all. We just spent 2 weeks of nights and weekends spending the day with each others children. Her children asking me to take them to the park because she was busy. Cooked her dinner and bought her a few groceries after she said it was ok does she need reassurance again that she is the love of my life..My mind is going nuts and I think I doit to myself..Her sons Birthday is XXXXX up in a couple days, shes graduating, weve made plans already.She told me If I had an issue filling the fatherly role to her two kids I said no I dont have an issue now she needs space? does it mean no contact or just simply specifically what she stated that she doesn't want me to come over to her house / sleep over for a while after 2 weeks of everything being perfect? We had everything smooth again after weeks of hard work of me trying to mend the relationship I was successful started staying over every night, dinner plans, and family interacting. Last Night after a great conversation she brought up the same old feelings about me lying to her about the mother of my child living with me, She stated that she wants to be the number one priority and if I really did love her why did I not do the same thing of staying over every night. I told her that it was because I did not want to come off as pushy or overbearing even though now I know that's what she wanted. Shes wanted space before in the relationship usually last about a few hours but I am always the one initiating the contact via text or just through bumping into each other. Iam so drained with her so up and down I tell her shes worth the fight if I had to do everything all over again I would, but really dont feel like I have the motivation to do it feel strung along being tested to prove my love or I dont know I love a challenge but literally always feels like I'm being slapped in the face Shes always talking about marriage, cousins getting married, plans of marriage, dream Weeding, her morning wake up alarm is weeding bells. She told me all of a sudden out of nowhere that she doesn't want me to come over anymore for a while and she needed space. I have a great relationship with her children they invite me to their soccer practice and games so now I'm confused do I go, do I text her, Do I call her..etc she makes things so difficult everything was perfect up untill last night. She told me no multiple times telling me stop asking the same questions when I stop she says why and ask me what I was thinking about in that moment to make me forget about her and not care in that moment. I dont know what to do I love her she loves me. I dont want to push but yet feel like texting her random hey great day and what not like I always end up doing anyways. Give it a day no contact, couple days...her kids love me what do I do with that also. We literally act like we are married planning trips graduation plans errands..etc it feels so effortless organic fit together we are happy always smiling. All this occurred recently and then Our kids meet again had a great time, had dinner and I ended up asking her to spend the night with her she agreed we cuddled no sex and in the morning everything felt perfect again, but yet I still feel distant not affectionate shes not giving me any type of signal I am taking charge but yet feel shes not giving me anything back distance is what I am beginning to feel sometimes gut stomach feeling of something is not quite right in our relationship.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.

Deardebra : Marriage is important too her.
Deardebra : I feel because she wants to be a family.
Deardebra : She lets you in then gets almost angry over you lieing.
Deardebra : What sh is doing is dropping her guard and loving you, but then she realizes that she is not sure she can trust you and pulls away.
Deardebra : She still needs time almost to forget the past and realize that you both need to move on together and be a couple.
Deardebra : She has to learn how to forgive you and give you that chance that you need.
Deardebra : But she gets close then pulls away out of fear and anger.
JACUSTOMER-f7b6k8p5- :

First she told me she needed space I gave it to her After hard battles of trying to fix my relationship I've been successful everytime, now all of a sudden due to the mother of my child atleast thats what I feel my girlfriend told me the relationship is over and that she does not need an explanation of why the mother of my child was with me the night I was supposed to be in a hotel she heard her in the background I was honest and told her that she was with me.Ive been staying with my girlfriend for a month now got my toothbrush in her batroom even taking showers and feeding her kids. Her sons look at me as a father figure infact they have called me dad recently. After talking about the mother of my child she asked is there was something more to the relationship I have with the mother of my child. She asked me why am I paying all the bills in the apartment I share with her if I'm not even there. She told me the relationship is over that she does not need an explanation, yet Iasked if she had a minute to talk because it was out of the blue she keeps given me opportunities to speak what should I do. I know she is my life partner weve talked about marriage and moving in with each other I feel like she continues to test me, but now I dont know what or how to approach her do I explain how I feel or?

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