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Patience, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 291
Experience:  MA Clinical Psychology
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Hi, Ill give you a little background first. Im 63 years

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Hi, I'll give you a little background first. I'm 63 years old and my wife, 60, and I have been married for around 15 years. It is a second marriage for both of use and we have a blended family. All of the kids are grown, educated, married, successful, and doing well. I have 4 grown children and my wife has 1 grown daughter who had our first adorable granddaughter about 1 year ago. She was premature and had a few health problems but is doing fine now. My wife has helped out with the "new parents" for the entire year staying with them at their house all week watching the baby (and loving it) and coming home on the weekend. They live about 2 hours from them. I am an only child with a 94 year old mother who is healthy but survived a broken hip 3 years ago and needs help. I love my mom of course but that relationship is a little strained. The economy has taken a tole on us financially, but we're making it, and I have been staying at my mom's house. My wife wanted to buy a home near her daughter, which we did recently, so she could be close to the baby and her daughter. (I'm getting to the question) Since my mom needs help and is on a fixed income, and we are 2 hours from the baby, it is straining our marriage and having a negative impact. I miss her and want us to be together, and she does too but insists on being there to watch the baby grow up and help as needed. The parents are in their early 30's, have good jobs and are doing well and really don't need the help. I think they are being a little selfish and taking advantage of my wife. I don't know how to resolve this dilemma with wife wanting to be close to her daughter and grand baby and my elderly mother needing me.... and she WILL NOT MOVE.
What do you think we (I) should do to keep our marriage alive and healthy. We are slowly growing a little distant and already don't even have sex but about one a year... if then. I want to be close again, rebuild that bond with each other, and fall back in love again. I'm unhappy with this dilemma and I feel stuck. Can you help with any suggestions?
Hi, I'm a Moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, please let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am certainly willing to wait for some help and guidence. So please continue.
Thank you.
Thank you for your continued patience. We will continue the search for a professional for you.
Hello- My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am here to discuss and see if there is something that would be helpful. Obviously, this is a difficult situation. Both you and your wife are trying to maintain close contact with family members who have been in distress, and unfortunately those people are at either end of a 2-hour drive. One thing to try is to get some more help with your mother. Often there are programs for home visitors or care agencies that can be of help in your area. Even if your home were not so far away, you need support as a caregiver. Otherwise, you could easily get burnt out.

A first grandchild is usually a very special relationship for a woman. The fact that there were complications makes the situation even more compelling for your wife, I would imagine. She is going to want to be close and available to do childcare. Since you established your home nearby, you have kind of acknowledged this as fact.

So, it may well be that you will have to work some alternatives out for your mother. unfortunately, as people become more elderly, they often become more stubborn and resistant to making changes. It also may be difficult for her to compromise over someone else's child. This is often the case in a blended family situation.

I would encourage you and support you in trying to maintain the marriage. I suggest that you come up with several scenarios that you know would work for your wife and then give your mom a choice to pick. She is going to have to compromise along with everyone else in the family. I understand this will be difficult for you, but you have to present clear alternatives so that you do not lose your relationship.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to spend some alone time with your wife. Try having a regular, ongoing date night, for instance.

I would be happy to discuss this further or answer any follow-up questions. Please rate my response so that I can be credited for my time. Then feel free to let me know about anything else you need to know.

All the best to you and your family in this trying circumstance, Patience P.
Patience, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 291
Experience: MA Clinical Psychology
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