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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My husband andi have been together for 15 yrs and married almost

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My husband andi have been together for 15 yrs and married almost 13 yrs and he has been the love of my life!! We have 3 children together and 3 months ago he told me he was having an affair with the biggest whore in my area ( his words) said he didnt know why he done it for i forgave him and 2 days later i catch him with her at our friends house and our friend throws me out of the house and he said nothing then next day he comes home said he didnt mean for me to see that and was ashamed then told me he loved me as the mother of his kids but he wasnt in love with me anymore and hadnt been in a while he said wed give it another whirl that the other woman couldnt be trusted anyway but then he left for work and went out of state and i found out he took her called him and told him he lied to me again and i was going and filing for divorce 2 days later he called me back said that he loved me he threw her out iof motel room and wanted to be with me said she stayed on drugs everythig asfine for a week then found out he seen her again and gave her $4000 told me hehought he cared about her but didnt so paid her to leave us alobe everything went good for 2 weeks he tikd me i was the obly girl for him we had alit of responsibility that he lived me and thus would make iur relationship stringer when he went to work each day he would text me live u baby and call me beautiful then one day he went to work and didnt come home was gone for 3 days then comes tells me he dont love me anymore that he hasnt for 5 years that he loved her and wanted divorced told me i could do the married filing separate d then told me to go find someone that i deserved who deserved me then kept talking bout how he wasnt a nan how he wantedbto leave this world and wanted me to get him a gun and watch him shoot himself then he fell in floor and hadbstrike he wasbok later but left to go be with her shoyld i wait for him or move on i love him but it hurts so much and this woman sjes the town whore and drinks and does drugs real bad and uses men for money im so confused but my husband says he can change her
Hello. I'm so sorry your husband is putting you through this. It does not sound to me that he will change his ways any time soon. Actions speak very loudly and he keeps going back to her over and over again. If he says he can change her, that means he wants to try and do that, which means he will continue to see her. It sounds like he wants you to be around when it is convenient for him. He doesn't care much for your feelings on the matter. He has some serious issues if he is threatening suicide and he does need professional help in my opinion. Unless he is willing to do this, he will not be able to repair the damage he is doing to himself and to your marriage. My recommendation would be to separate yourself from him and explain to him that he needs to seek counseling for the many issues that he seems to be having. I would also say that couples counseling to find out what went wrong in your marriage to cause him to take this path would help both of you a great deal. If your marriage is to be saved, there must be drastic measures to be taken. At this point though, it does not sound like he is interested in being with only you and repairing the damage he has caused. While there is always hope, if he is still currently leaving to be with this woman, there is a very very long way to go. I would give him the ultimatum and explain to him that he must get help and if he chooses to do this, you will support him. He is the only one who can make the choice. If he keeps returning to her, I would tell you that you need to move on. You cannot live your life waiting for someone to decide if they want to spend time with you or if they want to go party with another woman. It is certainly not fair to you and definitely NOT what a marriage is about. Look at his actions to tell you what you want to know, not his words. That tells you everything.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

this woman has ruined a lot of marriages here where I live along other places as well she has relationships but has cheated on everyone of them..........let me explain husband has worked and supported this family for 15 yrs and has always been there for his kids and we have been a Christian family and he has never turned away from God and I will say when everyone found out he cheated on me everyone was shocked, is still shocked, and still talking about it and now he has turned away from God and my husband hasn't drank a beer or anything for 15 yrs she has done changed him so much that he stopped going to church, stopped spending time with his family (even his mother) and where he was tight with his money has been spending $400-$600 a day on this woman taking her places and buying her stuff even giving her his credit cards..this woman helped destroy his dauaghter and get her on drugs when she was young ( he knows this) but still sees her and he even used to call her the towns whore and talk about her everytime she was out and his reason for falling out of love with me was that I didn't save enough money and he felt I had no respect for him but yet he's spending more on her in a day then he ever spent in a month keeps telling me to put money on his card then I do then it's gone and same routine he says he loves his kids and will take care of them before anything but how can he if he's spending all the savings on her plz help i'm confused

Like I said, his actions speak, his words do not. It doesn't matter so much what this woman has done to other people and their family, it matters what HE is doing to yours. This has nothing to do with her, it has everything to do with him. Regardless of her past, her actions, her intentions, it matters what your husband is doing. It doesn't matter who he is doing it with. The basic fact is, he is cheating on you, he is routinely choosing her, he isn't interested in you or your children unless it suits him at the moment. He can say it all her wants, he can say he will support you but is he? Is he being the best father he can be? Are you going to put up with this? Stop listening to the things he says. He needs to make the decision to be with his family and to be responsible and to leave this woman for good. That is the first step and he doesn't seem willing to do this first step, so how can you get to step 2 and 3 and to a resolution? He is using you and the past to force you to hold on because he knows you will. He can get away with this. He has been, he continues to and he knows you won't stop him or do anything about it. He says nice things to you just so you won't leave. He says things to you just to keep you around. Is this what you want for you and your kids? It isn't going to change. It isn't going to change unless you decide you have had enough, you stand up for yourself and your kids and you leave, OR he decides to do what's right, leave this woman, seek professional help and go back to being a responsible father and husband. Even if he does this, he has violated the trust in the relationship forever. There is serious damage done that will take years to repair. Are you ready to deal with that? This is the reality. Do I think he will wake up tomorrow and everything will be how it was 15 years ago? Chances are slim. You shouldn't be confused. You should see very clearly what is going on here. You are being used. He is having a ton of fun, he knows you won't do anything about it so why should he stop? He has everything he wants right now and what has he left you with? Now you have to decide what are you going to do about it? Are you going to allow him to continue to treat you this way? Are you going to put your foot down and tell him he has to go to counseling or you will divorce him? It's up to you what you do, but his intentions are clear. His actions are the reality, not his words.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX I know what I have to do

I will follow up with you in a few days to check on how you are doing.