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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I met a girl through mutual friends at work several months

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I met a girl through mutual friends at work several months ago. Started dating. Everything was great. We talked/texted daily. Saw each other outside of work a couple of times a week. She was younger and I thought we might be moving a little fast, but I really liked her and I had a vote of confidence from our friends, so I felt like I had some groundwork to stand on as far as trust.

This went on for a few months. Then she started getting distant. Finally I called her on it and she rattled off reasons about us not being good enough friends, not texting enough (even though we texted every day?). I said that I really like her, but that we should make a clean break if she wasn't into it. She didn't answer for over an hour, so I said "Okay, I guess we're broken up." She immdiately came back with "Okay. It's just this, this, and this, but I never meant to hurt you."

I spent he next week second guessing myself. I texted her, asking if I hadn't broken up with her, would she have ended it. She said that wasn't her intention that night. I asked if it was too late for us and she said "maybe". Then she never got back to me. We saw each other at our friends' daughter's birthday party the next weekend and she avoided me like the plague. The week after that, she blocked me on Facebook, unprovoked.

I came to find out later that she was talking to her roommate's cousin (a guy) who was visitig, not even a week after we broke up. He started posting things on her FB page. A few weeks after that, she flew out of state to go see him.

Our mutual friend (who works with her) told me that she had gone through dating a lot of guys before we met, but that she thought she ended it quickly with them because they were losers. As it turns out, it was her that was the problem. Comparing notes with our friend, it was easy to see that she was telling me on thing, and our friend another. I think she was trying not to look like a skeez to our friend.

I know what kind of girl she is now, and in my mind, I know I'm better off. I now work down the hall from her because of circumstances at work. I don't physically see her often, but I know she's there.

How do I let go of this anger I have for her when I know I don't have the luxury of just completely forgetting her?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

It seems that she did you a favor breaking up with you (and it was HER that did it). This is the way she is for whatever psychological reasons from her past - perhaps abuse or abandonment which caused low self-esteem.

This was not directed against you although it feels personal. This poor woman suffers a great deal, no doubt.

You WILL soon forget about her when you find someone who is more stable and who has the ability, maturity, and mental stability to hold on to a relationship with a good man.

Right now, you are experiencing a bit of a loss, similar to grief. It gnaws at you now, but soon will pass.

I can recommend a wonderful book that has been very helpful to some of my other clients who have experienced a similar breakup. The book is:

Product Details

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd

You will be fine in short order.

Get this book. It can only help you. It is quite powerful and effective and you need a little positive boost.

I am confident that you will get over this girl in short order. She needs some professional help. YOU cannot help her however, and she can only bring you down, as she has perhaps brought down others.

I shall keep you in my prayers and wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I've stayed in relationships with girls before for probably too long when I knew I wasn't feeling it. I gave all of them the courtesy of a reasonable break up conversation though. It's just a matter of respect.


Even though it was destined to not work, I just can't understand how someone can completely dismiss someone they've had a good relationship with. How can someone just completely disregard someone else's feeling like that? All it would have taken was a five minute, face to face conversation and I could have been moving past all of this a long time ago.

Dear Todd,

Unfortunately very many individuals do not have your same principles of courtesty and respect. People who don't fully respect themselves cannot possibly respect others.

I understand how disappointing this is. I feel the same way, but through experience and heartache, I learned that some people just to not have empathy for other people's feelings.

This particular woman seems to have a history of broken relationships and she moves from one to the other never turning back to see the path of devestation that she might have wrought by her insensitive and careless behavior.

It is time to find closure for yourself because she evidently won't give it to you.

Move on, distract yourself, purchase that wonderful book that I recommended and it will help you to see how easy it is to move onwards - and upwards.

I wish you great success and the power to move away from a past that you cannot change to a present and future that you can have a hand in molding.

Warm regards,

Thank you so much, Todd. May God bless you and give you the success and happiness that you are seeking. Elliott