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Ask Dr. Norman Brown Your Own Question
Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1200
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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I am so messed up I am looking for a meduim/counselor. Hoping

Customer Question

I am so messed up I am looking for a meduim/counselor. Hoping someone can help me
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.

Deardebra :

I am here if you need to talk and I am here to answer your questions.

Deardebra :

Why don't you start by asking your questions so that I can further help you.

Customer :

Are you still there

Customer :

are you a medium as well

Customer :

I will repost my question as you are not here

Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 4 years ago.
Hi, I'm a moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find another professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I am in the process of maybe going through a divorce and my mother in law in dying of leukema. so I need a counselor and a medium to tell me if divorcing is the correct thing and questions about my mother in law

Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your reply, I am sorry to hear about your mother's illness. We appreciate your patience as we search for a professional to assist you.

Best,

Angela
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

still have not heard from you ....

Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your patience, your business is very important to us, we are waiting on the professional with the right expertise to come online. Please let us know if you would like us to continue searching for a professional or if you would like us to close your question. Thank you for your understanding!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I would like someone to answer it. That's all.

Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 4 years ago.

Hi Customer, I've never dealt with the question of how to relate to your mother-in-law vis-a-vis your impending divorce. I think that if I were you, I'd not move forward with the divorce until after she has passed away--since you seem to be certain this will happen with 6m or less. Since I'm a life-long student of human nature, I might visit her without anyone else being around and ask her for stories about her son, your husband. I'd hope to find out stuff about him as a child that might make him more understandable to you now. Her attitude toward him in comparison to her other children could show you if he was a favorite, or a scapegoat. And you'd be giving her a great gift by listening to her. You might find out if she believes in a higher being and what she expects when she dies. Real inner contact with a higher power is a major factor in rehabilitating a Narcissist, so count HER score on the 9 characteristics, compared to his. No matter who the person is, compassion for the dying is a rewarding experience for both people.

 

I understand however, that you might be reluctant to get involved, because then your own compassion for her could make you more reluctant to cut off your compassion from divorcing her son after she dies. Men are designed to be able to turn such emotional states on and off, while woman are more likely to have them ON or OFF all the time. But if you did that, you'd also be giving Greg a great gift, of getting to know and thus comfort his mom. You could also ask her about how he treats her--who knows what could arise from that?

 

These are some preliminary thoughts. I know you're very angry and bitter toward Greg, and you don't want to get sucked in to loving HIM more, if he's not going to change. I suspect also that if you put that bitterness on the shelf for a few months, you don't really know what will come of it. well, neither do I.

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