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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I am working with a customer who had a good idea and I told

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I am working with a customer who had a good idea and I told him that. Than as the conversation continued, he became unkind and condescending when I asked him to explain to me what his experience was like. It wasn't a difficult topic, or one that would cause him personal grief, however what made him so defensive and nasty? He sometimes talks to me like I am stupid.

i thought he felt vulnerable right after i thanked him for a good idea and couldnt take the feeling of whst felt like a compliment, because he didnt feel like he was worthy of it so decided to keep me at a distance by next being condescending.  I believe he may have low self worth and possibly depression , so needs to keep up a front? All these are thoughts I have.












So let me ask.. as a counselor, or mental health provider, when your customer, client or patient talks down to you, what are the reasons that one would behave like that ?  How is the best way to respond? thank you ( i cannot get into specifics ).  I asked him why he had a need to talk to me like that, and that their was nothing wrong with my question.   This is not the first time I've experienced his superior attitude.  insight appreciated... thanks Customer/p>

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.

Deardebra : It does sounds like he took offense to the compliment.
Deardebra : he does sound like someone that does not handle praise very well because it is like he himself feels like the idea is not good enough.
Deardebra : i think he is to hard on himself.
Deardebra : It was almost as if he felt he didn't need to explain himself.
Deardebra : i felt he got offensive because he felt the idea was good and that there was no need to explain. Too him you were questioning him but all you were doing was asking a question.
Deardebra : he took it like you were questioning his idea.
Deardebra : him talking down too you is because he does not feel good about himself.
Deardebra : people often pick on others say negative things because they don't want anyone to know how they feel about themselves so they distract how they feel by putting others down.
Deardebra : how you handle things is you say I like your idea and I wanted to know more because it was a great idea.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I agree with that he doesnt take praise very well. So then the next thing we talked about that he got cond3scending about was actually unrelated to the topic I praised him on, but the feeling carried over and it showed in the next discussion. Yes?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What he got defensive about was different from whst I prsised him on. a different statement entirely, but it happened back to back. I only asked him to elaborate on his statement which was a statement following a compliment on an idea totally unrelated to the statement. If you can understand that
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
I feel there are things that he does not like to talk about but he wants to almost educate on certain subjects but doesn't like to answer questions about what he is talking about. It is almost like he just wants you to accept what he is saying. He wants you to just understand what he is saying without question. But you are trying to learn and understand what he is saying. But I feel he think you are questioning him. But you are just trying to understand what he is saying by asking questions to get more information.
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