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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My girlfriend says i have no balls, she sees me layed back

Customer Question

My girlfriend says i have no balls, she sees me layed back and hates it she wants me to be like other guys with a car she says i cant get a house.

Bdw i am graduated Masters in Pharmacy and yet she pressures me and commands demands that i show her affection/respect i feel whatever she feels i phone her daily and give her attention

is this fair?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Hello. Making demands on someone to reach expectations which are not of that persons' personality is not only unfair, but also not healthy. I would guess that she does not have the same perspective about what is happening in your relationship. Without getting her side of it, it is hard to say if she is pressuring you to be someone you are not or if she is trying to motivate you in areas where she feels you are lacking. There is a fine line between being bossy and trying to motivate. What you feel are demands, she may feel are desperate ways of getting you to participate more in the relationship.
You need to discuss this with her in a way where you can decipher her intentions. Why is she with someone who she doesn't like? Why is she with you if she wants you to be like "other guys" as you say? The bottom line is that you should never change who you are for someone else's expectations. If you have certain areas of your life that you yourself want to improve on, that is one thing, BUT if she is constantly trying to change your core being, then there is something seriously wrong in your relationship. Being a laid back person is perfectly fine. If that is who you are, that is who you are. Lots of women love men who are laid back.
You need to get to the real reasons for her complaints and find out what she is trying to accomplish by complaining to you all the time. If she wants to change you as a person, you need to seriously consider this relationship. If you are uncomfortable and always feeling put down by her, this is no way to live your life. You both need to learn how to communicate better and more truthfully about what your goals are both short and long term and what you are both looking for in a relationship. It sounds basic, but you need to get back to basics in this situation and find out what is going on. You should never be in a relationship which leaves you feeling anything less than happy exuberance.