Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

Does sex equal relationship?

I met this guy online...

I met this guy online about 2 weeks ago. We seems to be attracted to one another. He has came to job for a brief meet and greet early this week, and we even have a date set up Saturday morning. My question is he has kids from a divorce every weekend and that is not problem. He texted a lot and calls maybe 2 times a day. We even discussed a relationship in the future and he made it clear that mostly all his relationship started after sex. I have cold sores and have yet to tell him plus I don't want a relationship based on sex, and yes I had relationship that has started after that first sex act too. How do I handle this situation in a mature way. I told I was on my period so he would not expect anything more at least not for now. I wan to make sure he is worth telling about my situation and get to know him better first.  I am expected about out date I got my baby grandmother to watch her I have not been on a date in months, and yes I want a relationship.  Does he just sex or is he really looking for a relationship as well? 

Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 5 minutes by:
5/2/2013
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Verified
Hi,
I understand where you are coming from. Its like you don't want to tell your personal business if unnecessary, but at the same time you want to tell him early enough where he does not feel deceived. I think it would be best to go out on a few dates and get a feel of how you like him then go from there. If you feel there is strong potential then I would tell him asap because hiding that may make him feel that he was lied to or manipulated and cause worse problems down the road. It would be best for both of you this way since also it is best for you to know his reaction, so you do not waste your time. But like I said let him get to know you a bit first and you the same in order to be sure it is something that could be serious. Give it a few dates.

Hope it was helpful. I wish you all the best and feel free if I can help further.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago


Should I keep the date short then? I think he wants to make out after the movie. I told him I was on my period and he said your period must last all week. I even asked him for ideas about afterwards but he said he is not sure because it will be windy on Saturday, but he would get back to me if he think of something after the movies. I am confused because I did mention another movie theatre by 10 am and he told me to let chose the one by me for 10:30 am instead and he mention he had to home by 2 or 3 for the kids. At first he said the earlier the movie the better, so I want to know he truly wants a relationship or just sex for now. He say;s that when he does have sex he wants a relationship because he wants to continue being with that same person.

It seems like he is interested in having sex. Because of your circumstances I would try to keep it short if nothing else outside can be planned. The fact he is questioning your period makes me feel he is very focused on the sex. I think there should be a few dates getting to know each other to be sure if a good fit before sex happens, but in that aspect it is your decision. I would decide that first. If you are not even wanting sex right now regardless of your condition then I would make that clear that you want to get to know him first. Then during the first few dates I would tell him. However, if he shows no interest and his main goal is sex and opposite of what you want then there would be no reason to tell him at all since he would be starting the relationship in a fashion that you are not even interested in.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago


I am sorry I am confused about that last statement..Please explain? Does that mean if we do have sex don't tell about the cold sores but we will still be in a relationship because he only is I gets in relationship after sex starts..I am confused. I might add I had been medicine for herpes for 3 o4 years and luckily no outbreaks if this helps me conversation with him.

Sure, no problem. Pretty much I think you should put your condition on the side for a moment to be sure if you both are on the same page. If he is interested in mostly sex and then that would make him stay in a relationship, but you are interested in getting to know him better first before sex then it seems like each of your priorities are in different places. If that is the case then there is no need to tell him about your issue. However, if you are both wanting the same out of the relationship in the same manner then I would tell him in a few dates.

I hope that clarified if not please let me know.
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Verified
Jen Helant and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
If you don't want sex now and he does then it might not move forward anyway, so no need to tell. But if you both do want the same things and will get to know each other first then I would tell him before having sex within a few dates. Now if you both are planning to rush into sex then you would really have no choice, but to tell him asap. By the sounds of what you told me it sounds like he wants sex now and you prefer to get to know him better. In that case I would straighten that issue out first before telling him about your sores.
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Verified
Jen Helant and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
1,386 Satisfied Customers
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.

Jen Helant is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I need some advice on whether on not to contact my ex. We
Hello, I need some advice on whether on not to contact my ex. We broke up in Nov after a year and a half. We had some ups and downs and were also doing long distance. In the end, poor communication di… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I met my fiance' d9ughter last night after 5 years. He did
I met my fiance' d9ughter last night after 5 years. He did nit raise her but they started to have a relationship about 3 years ago. Anyway, I met her and I do not like her at all. She played as if she… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Hypothetical but it happens: I see this all the time, what
Hypothetical but it happens: I see this all the time, what to do in this situation? Husband has not had sex with wife in over 10 years but keeps track of any potential romantic behavior and interferes… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
It's been 4 days now without contact. During the night I
It's been 4 days now without contact. During the night I began to realise that K will never change her mind. She broke with an email and said in it that if I cared for her I would respect her decision… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I'm really hurted actually and just looking for advices
Hello, I'm really hurted actually and just looking for advices about what to do while so confuse once I already was betrayed in my past relationship. My English is not so good I'm sorry. Well, 3 month… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been back together for 2 weeks now and in the middle had one serious argument. After the argument i apologized cuz it was my misjudgement. She acce… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
My husband flirts with women on FB. He will friend women
My husband flirts with women on FB. He will friend women from far away who pose sexy selfies and he comemets on their beauty and so forth. I feel this is cheating. Now there is messages going on in hi… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I ONLY WANT THERAPIST Oh Boy Again! Wait til you hear this
I ONLY WANT THERAPIST JENOh Boy Again! Wait til you hear this one.... it's back to Darcy my favorite ...So last night I stopped by a local sports bar for a beer... I've been taking a “Heart Break” and… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I started talking to a girl on a dating website about three
Hi. I started talking to a girl on a dating website about three weeks ago, and we've been on 2 dates so far. I REALLY like her - she's sweet, cute, fun...but last week, after our second date, I went t… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I decided to mutually path ways 4 days ago
My boyfriend and I decided to mutually path ways 4 days ago because of his career choices and my family issues. 2 days after the pathing, he visited me at my house and we agreed that all we experienci… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
For expert: today I am arriving at his city and stay for two
For expert Martin: Hi today I am arriving at his city and stay for two weeks. I haven't contacted him since that grumpy message probably because I m not happy that he was avoiding me. Now can you give… read more
Martin
Martin
Electrical engineer
Bachelor's Degree
486 satisfied customers
I was only conceived for the mental health of my elder
I was only conceived for the mental health of my elder sister who was a mistake. Is this a reasonably normal background please?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
I went though my girlfriends phone and she was watching me
I went though my girlfriends phone and she was watching me to see what I was going through and looking at and was wondering if that's a red flag .She said she just wanted to see what I was looking at … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I am looking for some unbiased help on my relationship. She
i am looking for some unbiased help on my relationship … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos I noticed while organizing our old photos that she kept a number of photos (7 or 8) of an old boy friend. She dated him off and on for about… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in
Hello I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in law-enforcement. Over five years ago I met a woman through my work and her daughter was 11 at the time. She was with somebody then so I thought noth… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we
my girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we attend the same church . We had both been out of long term relationships and healed each other before forming our own relationship. We were going great and madly Inlove .her behavior was amazing towards me with no signs of changing for the worse up until November 2017 we were having these tiny but annoying arguments mostly caused by me and my trust issues I will admit . So I called her one morning to make up for an argument we had the night before and she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me anymore and she does not want the relationship anymore . I freeze but go about the usual desperate plead and beg route which made her even more upset . We attend church that Sunday and when she sees me she feels the love again and we speak normal for 2 weeks not officially together yet but making moves she evens sends me a detailed email telling me how impressed she is and it will help us going forward . I push to hard the next day of this email and upset her all over again. That weekend before Christmas 2017 she goes totally cold towards me and destroys me in a phone call and tells me I am obsessed with her etc. she drops me a further bombshell the week of Christmas by telling me she is going to meet her ex for breakfast and I need to be mature about it . I decide then and there I am done with this and I cut off all contact with her . No calls or texts and emails . So about 2 weeks go by and she sends me a text ‘hey you have just crossed my mind hope you are well' I respond 5 hours later with ‘I am well . Hope you well,take care' the next week she sends me a pointless text to which I just respond with thank you and this week she sends me a long detailed apology email informing me that she is sorry for pain she had caused me and I am truly a great guy and she doesn't understand why she had so much built up anger toward me and till this day she can't seem to know why she got so upset with me and she doesn't deserve me etc . I responded with a simple thanks for the apology and she said she does not know why she took so long to apologize something just held her back . I don't hate her at all it not in my nature to hold grudges but this girl ruined my holidays and told me really hurtful stuff while she was out having a blast . And now suddenly she feels apologetic. Please advise … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous when they mention or are with hanging other guys. (I'm a 20 year old guy) I don't know why though, I don't like getting jealous but I can't hel… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x