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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3392
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I have left a lesbian relationship and I only want to be with

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I have left a lesbian relationship and I only want to be with men. Any suggestions about how I can deal with the past? I realize that I made a tremendous mistake getting into this relationship in the first place. I have lost everything that is important to me; the chance to have children, the chance to have a wonderful, caring, safe man in my life, and all this relationship has brought me is sadness and confusion. I don't feel like a real woman and I am afraid no man will ever want to be with me in a meaningful way. I realize that I got into the relationship because of past abuse, but that does not help me now. I feel depressed and sad all the time and I cannot deal with the past. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

CoachJenK :

We have spoken before and I am sad to hear that you are struggling.

CoachJenK :

You left the relationship and desire to be with a man, but being in your past relationship does not make it impossible to find what you desire with a man. I am hoping that in time as you let yourself feel what you feel that you can let go of the harsh internal criticism so that you can open yourself up to loving someone else.

CoachJenK :

I do not share the view that you have lost the chance to be in a wonderful relationship with a man.

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so we can talk more. In the meantime, I truly hope you can let go of some of the guilt and anger toward yourself.....letting this go will bring some freedom and ability to connect and seek out what you desire.


Hi Jen,


I have guilt and anger at myself because I realize that I wasted so much of my life in a relationship which I did not need to be in in the first place. It may have met my need emotionally, but not sexually. I knew this, and was afraid to let go of the relationship. The thought that I could have been with a man all along is killing me.Knowing that I could have had a SAFE, loving man in my life all this time is something I cannot live with. I don't think I have ever been in a relationship where I have felt fulfilled, and this one is just another example of my stupidity. I am afraid that no man will love me enough to give me a chance to show them that I can be a good partner to them and faithful, fulfilled, etc.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Nothing has been wasted...I hear how harsh you are being. You needed to be in that past relationship as that what was safe for you at the time....the relationship may not have had longevity in it, but it had what you needed emotionally. I know you get this on some level, so please forgive yourself as you have done nothing wrong.

Once you do this you can be free and open and meet a loving man who will love and accept you for all that you are and provide you with the safety you need.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you so much. The relationship lasted far to long, but I did get the emotional support that I needed at the time. Hopefully I can forgive myself so I can move on.

It lasted for how long it was supposed to last. We discussed in the past all of your feelings about it and it was hard to leave as you had safety even if you knew it wasn't right for you in the long run. I know you feel like you have done wrong, but you have not and there is truly nothing to forgive from my viewpoint but I hear you loud and clear that you believe so. Give yourself that space and time to heal from it and be kind to youself.

I am here if you need me.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you so much. I know this sounds odd as I do not know you, but you are one of the few people I trust.

You are very kind to say that. That is why I am here when you need. I understand your feelings and i want you to really heal and be free from your harsh self-judgments.

Request me anytime and smile. If you desire to speak with someone face to face I can help you find someone too.
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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