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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband and I recently celebrated our second wedding anniversary.

Customer Question

My husband and I recently celebrated our second wedding anniversary. We are both twenty-three and have been together since we were fourteen. My husband is very unmotivated when it comes to a great many important things. He has been to two different Universities and has dropped out of both because he couldn't be bothered to do the work. He doesnt seem to want to do anything to further himself at all. He rarely contributes around the house and works in a job that pays a pittance so I support us. He wont fight with me or talk with me. He keeps promising to change. What can I do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I am so sorry that your long term relationship has deteriorated to this point. Perhaps your husband is suffering from depression, which has made him withdrawn and without motivation.

Empty promises to change without any follow-up mean nothing. He needs to be under the care of a therapist to help him pull out of this slump. In fact, it would be very positive if you both went to a marriage and family therapist so that he could communicate with you under the direction of the therapist.

At this point, the only thing that you can do to snap him out of this is to give him an ultimatum to stop promising and start acting, first by getting some therapeutic counseling, and when he starts to come to his senses, he must return to school or get a decent job.

I understand that have been with him for many years, but your relationship is bases on a childhood friendship.

You must not rule out breaking up with him as your final option. Otherwise you too will fall into depression and your relationship will only get worse.

In order to succeed you must be very tough and not let continue in this very negative behaviour.

I wish you continued courage and wisdom in taking loving but tough stance.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,