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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My husband has an interesting logic that I think I finally

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My husband has an interesting logic that I think I finally figured it out. My response may result in divorce or something else but I thought I let someone know what I did so that I can be prepared for HIS reaction.

After weeks of reviewing our taxes with the CPA (by the way I'm also a CPA) I determined that my husband, in selling some stocks, did not pay taxes on the sale. Note that this is our first year filing jointly, we have seperate accounts and contribute equally to one account for household expenses. So I had emailed him saying - what do you think is fair? He immediately was upset, and used the "for good and bad" phrase with me inferring that the tax liability should be paid equally. I don't understand how I should pay taxes for income I did not benefit from. So rather than try to explain that and argue I used his "for good and bad" approach.

This is not the first time I got slammed for asking what's "fair" but when the tables are turend he has no trouble asking me for my fair share. So I recently spent big bucks on the house and gifts for the family during the holiday and ... We had I agreed I pay for it, but he would reimburse me. So when I approached him he simply said "It should be uneven" and walked away. So I've been meaning to talk to him but have not had the time then the tax issue came to light.

Similar reaction, angry and hurt and "I can't believe your are saying this ..." So I paused and replied to his email by saying first - that I'm very sorry, second - to please pay the taxes, third - i have no money and fourth - for the good and the bad, wifey.

Why argue with someone who will not discuss this logically. for better and for worse - you pay it because I can't

What should I expect?
Hello. It sounds as though he has no interest in discussing anything with you and whatever his ideas are, are the way things should be, end of story. As far as what you should expect from him, I would imagine that he will react as he always has and not admit that he is wrong or that he should pay the taxes, even if he should. He knows that he made a mistake by not paying them and he will most likely not admit it. If you do not have the money, that in itself is an entirely different matter that will warrant a different discussion. I think he will stand his ground about it and say that everything in your relationship should be equal and that he feels this is no exception. You both should be able to discuss this rationally and come to a conclusion where it is fair for both of you involved. If he has never shown this type of outreach towards solving a situation rationally, then he probably won't start now. I would be prepared to present your case to him as to why this is his responsibility and think about some level of compromise. Hopefully, he will be willing to listen to reason at some point.
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