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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Me and this girl have been talking for about 3 months now almost

Customer Question

Me and this girl have been talking for about 3 months now almost 4. We started dating in December but dated for 3 days after we had some issues and we broke up . But since then we have been talking,. Everythings been good since that time over christmas and new years, we were with each other and we had a few more issues that we broke up over but we got back right together after that. After new years she told me that she was in love with me and I make her the happiest girl ever. And everything was great. Then in the middle of January something strange happened, she thought I was talking to another girl and since then she has not given me her all anymore. she barely calles me anymore and I pick her up every day and take her to her class in the morning. And then near the end part of January I had to go to washington dc for an internship and I wasnt able to talk to her for 4 days. And when I get back home, I get onto Twitter and Instagram and see that she has a boyfriend now. And I asked her about it and she told me that they were "just friends" but I didnt believe it but for some reason, i trusted her. And then in her twitter bio she put his username and says that was her babe. So then I couldnt do it anymore and I just asked her who was she dating and she told me that is what I get and she wasnt happy anymore but everyday she had a smile on her face and when we talked about it it was mostly about me not being able to talk to her for that amount of time. So then I tried to get back together with her ( I dont know why I do it) and she did brake up with him on that saturday but we didnt get back together because my phone had no service when she called me and was mad. And for somereason, she puts how she feels on twitter and thats how I knew that she wanted to get back together. So, near her birthday, all I did was tell her that I missed her and she just blew up on me telling me that she just wanted to be friends but when I told her that our relationship was over ( I was pissed at that point) she started crying and told me if we could talk about it tomorrow. And we did and she told me that she still loved me and she still has feelings for me. so now we are back talking but just last week, (we are going to prom together) we had a argument because she doesnt want to do anything with me anymore. Everything I ask her is just an excuse not to do anything with me. We havent done anything together, we havent kissed either since then. And I have asked her many times to be my girlfriend and she has given me everything. I recently asked her and she told me she would say yes but I dont talk to her much when I pick her up mainly because she is giving me attitudes all the time and I really dont do well with attitudes. So, I just dont talk. She told me that I would have to prove to her if I was willing to change.

So I asked her again but to tell her that I wasnt going to ask her again and she has to tell me. And this is what she told me: I just dont know, I like where we are now, taking things slow and talking, the things u said you were going to change, I havent seen it.

I really dont know what to do. I have started to focus only on her not talking to any other girls but she hasnt dont that for me. And I really dont know how to tell her. I feel like if we are going to build into something, then we should atleast focus on each other instead of her talking to other guys.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Hello. I'm not certain as to what your specific question is here, but you guys are in high school and there is a ton of emotions going on with both of you. She has no idea what she wants and you guys are both very young and not expected to know what you want for your entire future at this point. She is an emotional person and reacts quickly to things she thinks is going on in order to protect herself from her own feelings. She does not want to take any ownership in changing her ways and only expects you to change, but I'm not sure what she wants to change about you. I don't see anything that you have done wrong, other than you said she thought you were talking to other girls. At this point, she is going to talk to guys. People are people and that's the way it goes. Just like I'm sure you will not only talk to guys for the rest of your life either. Just because someone is talking to someone of the opposite sex, doesn't mean they can't be focused in a relationship. Lots of people are friends or acquaintances with others of the opposite sex. You can't hold her to not ever talking to another guy ever, just as you should not be expected to never talk to another girl ever, even if you are married, people talk to each other. If you both are trying to work towards another shot at a serious relationship, that's great. You need to do as you are now. Just talk and be friends. That's it. Don't worry about who is talking to who and what intentions are. You can't force a relationship to happen. Being good friends and learning everything about one another is how you go about forming a good bond and foundation. Learning how to communicate is essential for a good relationship. I talk to couples in their 60 who have never learned to communicate and they have lived in misery for years because of it. Good communication is the key to any relationship at any age, on any level. You both need to talk to each other and be honest and up front. No games, no attitude, no assumptions. You need to just take things as they come right now and try not to stress about the day to day. If she is too up and down for you, treats you unfairly, etc. Don't think that you need to do anything to be with her. If you haven't done anything wrong, then don't try and change into someone she wants you to be. it will never work. If you truly have character flaws, that's one thing, but never change who you are for someone else. Is she really worth it if she is trying to get you to jump through hoops for her when she doesn't know what she wants? it isn't all about her. You have needs and desires too and if she is the one acting badly or unfairly, then it is she who needs to change, not you.
I would just tell you to take everything day to day. Stand your ground on issues you feel are fair and don't let her emotions dictate how you feel and act. Try to relax about who is being talked to and when. She is going to have to learn how to handle herself in a responsible way and not expect guys to bend over backwards for her every need, regardless of how irrational.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok, thank you. I know that I shouldnt try to forse a relationship but how will we both know when its the right time?



Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
You will know when it's right. I know that isn't very specific of an answer, but you will just know. It's a feeling more so than a set rule of time. It sounds as though she has some work to do on her own emotions and how to handle them just based on what you say. Sometimes girls like that enjoy having a guy do whatever they want them to do and not have a chance to slip up or appear to slip up because they like the feeling of having someone chase after them. I don't agree with this method of attaining a relationship. Take things slow, learn how to be friends again. No games, no playing each other for things, just be normal, laid back people.