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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I need some feedback as to my feelings toward an issue. I do

Customer Question

I need some feedback as to my feelings toward an issue. I do not know if I am overreacting or not. My boyfriend who I have been having anaffair with 3 1/2 years is still married, has protected his phone and texts to not just his wife but all friends stating several reasons why Im not allowed to see the correspondence. I feel belittle, betrayed and foolish in first place for wanting to see, but I feel it would tell me more about him. He states reasons like his mother use to record his conversations which inferiated him as a teen, he states I overreact emotionally to things and act like a child and would probably misinterpret texts the same way, he has said I am a jealous person, he has said what if there is something personal I forgot to erase that a friend asked me or told me in confidence and I read it? He says the botXXXXX XXXXXne is trust. Either I trust himor I dont. He said I act like a spoiled child who wants her way and can not accept "no". He also says its the principle of the thing. I feel that if you hide something , their is a reason. Im torn
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

The fact that you want to see his texts shows that you don't trust him. He is already a cheater and deceives his wife, and could cheat on you as well.

His reasoning demonstrates defensive overreaction and indicates that he DOES have something to hide. He is already erasing his texts but he fears he may miss something and get caught doing whatever he is trying to hide.

Your suspicions may be unfounded but they are certainly justified.

I wish you great success in sorting this out to your best advantage.

Warm regards,