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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I focus hard to lead an authentic life. I am happily married

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I focus hard to lead an authentic life. I am happily married and lead a successful life generally. However, I am a perfectionist, I'm highly empathetic towards others, and always try to help where I can. I have low self-esteem, self identity, confidence through ill-equipped parents when I was young, but somehow I manage to hide it and find enough courage and bravery to get to where I am. However, lately life has struck me with a number of personally challenges, where I find it dig deep and hold on. I am de-motivated, avoid responsibility, minimising participation in life. Due to getting easily irritated lately, I've severe a couple of toxic family relationships which has been extremely liberating and positive in some senses, but has also created new stresses due to the obvious conflict and tension. I get disconnected easily with myself, terrified of being considered selfish for needing time and space to heal myself and doing the right things. Its all a bit overwhelming at times. I also don't have a strong support network that understands what I am feeling, and I fear bringing them down if I keep harping on about how I feel. What's the best way for me to move forward and continue to do the good things I was doing, and find renewed passion in life?
Hello. I'm sorry you are going through all of these hardships. As difficult as it sounds, I do think you are doing a lot of the right things. You have to look at your options in front of you at this time. You cannot change the past or anything that has already happened to you in any stage of life from growing up to yesterday. Acceptance of this is crucial. You must not live in the past. It is a very common problem that people with self esteem issues have. The only thing you can change is your now and your future and how you interpret and handle the challenges which are presented to you. What in life makes you happy? Of course this answer is different for every person and only you can answer it. When asking how to get the passion back in life, you first have to discover and identify what it is.
Expressing yourself with drawing and meditating is wonderful and I encourage you to to continue to do so. Realize that everyone in life is handed a number of challenges and it is how we handle them which makes us who we are. It can be very overwhelming sometimes for sure. Trying to keep things in perspective may also help. If you have your good health and you say you are happily married, you have a lot more going for you than many people in the world. Try to think of the devastating lives that some people live with every day.
There is not one thing I can tell you to do which will make you wake up tomorrow and have a happy and wonderful life as you want it to be. You need to live one day at a time, one moment at a time, understanding you will have good and bad days. You need to find out what will make you happy, both long term and short term. It could be something small like having a wonderful meal that you haven't indulged in in awhile, to making some long term goals. If it is feasible, maybe you and your husband can make the time to take a vacation somewhere nice and relaxing for a bot so you can unwind. All of these things seem small, but they do add up. Before you know it, you will find the joy in the little things in life again.
I would also advise you to look into your local options for a counselor. Just for someone to sit down with you face to face on a regular basis and just talk with you. It can do a great deal of good to vent. As far your writing, you didn't say what you wrote about, but if you write down your inner feelings, this can also help. You should be able to lean on your husband for emotional support. If you feel you cannot do this, you need to explain to him how beneficial it would be for you to just be able to sit and talk to him about these things just to get it off of your chest. Holding things in is not the way to go. You need to find whatever outlets you can to let it go.
Keep yourself busy, as it sounds you are doing. You just need to hold on and keep your head up. Life isn't easy for anyone. Look for the small things to make your day. Good weather, watching the birds, etc. Finding enjoyment with these things will help you be able to bring a more positive outlook to other parts of your life. You can do it !
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your thoughtful response Dr Paige. There's definitely a lot of key take aways for me to unravel. You mentioned that local counselor would be one of the things I can do to help things along. Do you have any recommendations of the type of counselor I should look for? Questions I can ask that would improve the chances of me finding the right type of counselor for the type of situation I've discussed? Also I learnt that my husband does not tackle life from a feeling perspective at all. On a scale of 100, he says he would be a 2 in terms of how important it is for him. I think rather than stressing him out with forcing him to talk about my feelings with him, it's a little unfair on him. What do you think?

Hello. You need to find a counselor that you get a long with on a personal and professional level. I would do some research online in your area to see if you can find a site which has client's reviews of the counselor. You want someone who is empathetic and shows interest in your issues. Depending on what perspective you want, you may want to speak with a woman who will be more in tune with your feelings, or you may want to talk with a man to get a completely different side of what you are seeing. This is up to you. Ask what the counselors' specialty is and the most important of all is going to be your gut feeling. When you go to that first session, do you feel 100% comfortable? That is the most important part.
As far as your husband goes, men don't generally use emotion in their every day lives and it is more difficult for them to express themselves and to listen to a lot of negativity. He should be able to support you without being rude about it and you should be able to balance some of the negative talk with some positive things as well. It may not be so much that he doesn't like talking to you, it may be that you need to have some positive attitude in your conversations as well. If he feels that every single time you come to him, it's going to be about something deep and emotional, he may shut down. Try and lesson some of that and give him some more happy and upbeat conversation as well.

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