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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My husband of 31 years,says he has a low sex drive. This is

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My husband of 31 years,says he has a low sex drive. This is not true. If he did not feel as though he should have to reciprocate he would have intimacy every night. He does not kiss or please me in any way. I am expected to please him only.
I feel so worthless and ugly. Why does he do this? We have had many conversations. He says he will change. He doesn't. He doesn't come to Marriage Counselling Either.
Early in our Marriage and during my pregnancies he did cheat on me.
I just lost my Mom at that time so I didn't have the strength to face anything else.
I don't know if he is still playing around, he insists absolutely that he has not. But why not be intimate with your wife.
He has to have sexual feeling somewhere inside of him....doesn't he
Please, I would appreciate your input.

Thank you
Hello. I'm sorry your husband is putting you through this. He may very well have low sex drive, or he may have other issues going on that have nothing to do with you at all. I did not fully understand your third sentence which indicated there was some sort of intimacy. I am guessing that he wants you to please him but he does not put effort into you. I would guess that he feels too embarrassed to go to a counselor, but maybe he will go to a regular physician? He may have a physical issue which he cannot control or change. It is difficult to say the exact cause, without speaking with him. If he refuses to look into the mental aspects of this, I would suggest trying to get him to look into the physical. As far as you are concerned, be certain that this has little to do with you personally. I know it seems difficult NOT to feel that way, but he may very well have a medical problem which needs to be addressed. Men as young as 35 can start to have levels of testosterone drop considerably. Keep explaining your feelings to him, but try to also be supportive of his side of it as well. Give him the chance to try and resolve the situation without making it embarrassing for him.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Paul, my husband has had medical testing. Everything is fine, thank God!

Our Doctor cannot figure out why Paul isn't fulfilling me...or being self centered in his intimacy. Paul is healthy, just tells me he has no interest

at the time of 'his' passion to think of me???

I love pleasing my husband, shouldn't the husband enjoy the reciprical bond of love making.

I am 55 and haven't got a clue what it's like to make love...that is sad

Yes, he should absolutely want to. While of course you want to please your husband, your needs must also be met. Unfortunately, he is the only one who can make it happen. He has to be the only to decide to change his ways. There is not a lot you can do, as you cannot force him to do things. You can only keep talking to him as you have done and voice your concerns. I would love for him to want to go to counseling, but if he says no, again, you cannot control that. If he has no medical issues, you just need to keep at him with your feelings. I would maybe suggest that you stop giving him what he wants until he meets you half way.