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karin i ask you a question last night you said i needed to

cahange the heading so i...
karin i ask you a question last night you said i needed to cahange the heading so i guess is my marriage over since he moved out
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
4/5/2013
Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Verified
Hi there K,

here is your question that you posted:

"karmin i don't know what to do any more my husband has been gone for over a month now he has taken me off the cell phone bill because i had questions he says he doesn't know what he wants if he wants to be married or not if he is in love with me but he says he cares loves worries and will take care of me what does that mean he call once in awhile and we talk i tell him i want him to come home i love him so much i can forgive him for all the things he has done if he will tell me and i don't find out on my own he says he hasn't been with anyone else he has just been thinking trying to decide what he wants i am not sure if this is true or not why want he go to a counslor or something if he really doesn't know what he wants i don't know what to do i ask him what he wants me to do he says he doesn't know i told him i would do what he wanted to make him happy but i am just dieing inside i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life i want him to come home am i just wishful thinking or is he just biding his time to get money put away so he can have what he wants i don't work haven't worked in years since i have been diagnoised with the fybromaliga if i do anything for very long i am in so much pain i hate to take pain pills but i have to sometimes give me advise if you can i don't know if he is lying or not i want to believe him he has my heart and i don't want to let him go what am i suppose to do please help"

K, again, I'm truly sorry for what you're experiencing at present. He doesn't seem to want to change or do anything about this to try and resolve it or perhaps it's that he doesn't know how and is not prepared to deal with it. Your struggles with is very difficult for you and this stress from not knowing what is going on with your marriage cannot be helping you physically nor emotionally. I wonder if you were to try once more, write to him, call him or email him - explain that you're not willing to keep trying and waiting and you need to understand what are his intentions. This is your choice but my question to you would be how long are you willing to wait and sit with this uncertainty regarding his intentions?

Do you really feel that he may be deceiving and lying to you? If you had any feelings that this was the case, you need to start to think about yourself in all of this. It feels very wrong that he is taking such a long time, knowing that you are struggling to come to terms with his lack of response. Your question whether this is the end of your marriage - only you can answer this, but some factors that you may want to bear in mind - do you feel that you have exhausted all aspects? If so, and he's unwilling to try to attend counseling then unfortunately it seems as though he is taking a long separation from you. This doesn't necessarily mean it is over, but it may not look so good in trying to work things out.

K, do try though to contact him once more, if after this you feel you have exhausted all options, you may want to begin to think about what your needs are and what you might need to do. - including counseling for yourself, to enable you to think about your future.

I hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
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Hi K,

Can I be of any further help you? If so, please do let me know.


--------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before leaving the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Regards, Karin
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

i have sent him a text this morning and no response when i did talk to him tuesday i ask if he wanted a divorce and he said he doesn't know what he want he doesn't know if he wants to be with me forever or not and that it is not me it is him so what am i suppose to think he is a man i don't think he can go without his needs being meet this long even though he says he hasn't left for another woman but he took me off the phone passsword been changed so i can't see it he doesn't want me to know where he is or what he is doing even the days he has off work he doesn't want me to know anything why does he keep telling me he cares for me and worries about me and he will take care of me always if i tell him i love him he tell me he loves me too and i tell him he will always have my heart he says i have his but is he just playing with me so i won't try to find out what he is doing but do i need to find things out just in case he decides to stay gone forever he also says that if we go to court that even though i have all this evidence on him the judge won't make him pay as much as he is doing now so what am i to think he does want out or what i will always love him and i guess what you ask i would wait for the end of time i can't give my heart away again i have done this 2 times and they find soomeone else guess that is what a construction worker does because they have a code not to tell on each other the wife or girlfriend last to know that they have someone else what is wrong with me all i do is pray god willl send him home or that he would just take me home to heaven i hurt so much i don't know what to do i have tried to talk to that other girl from the emails and she will not even try he says they have not done anything but why won't she answer her phone or text she sent the text to him i am so lost in this am i going crazy or what he didn't take any summer clothes and has other stuff but i don't know what to do i was in a wreck in march and i am having to go to physical therpy he does call to see if the adjuster has contacted me i told him no is he just waiting to see if i get anything from this wreck i know this i long but i just don;t know what to do the people at the therpy are looking for me a counslor but i can't pay he puts enough to pay bill in account and i don't know if he will pay or not help please help

Hello K, based on what you have told me with this new additional information, which I thank you for, it seems as though he is finding ways to detach himself from you but does not know how to actually tell you as he knows it will break your heart.

He should be honest and open with you - he is not. He should at the very least be transparent with you, yet it feels more like he's playing games with you and not keeping you in the loop about any of his comings and goings. You are right to be concerned and your gut instinct is now what you need to start trusting. Believing in yourself is of the utmost importance now. You deserve to be told what is going on yet he claims to not know (then why the secrecy of protecting his passwords and taking you off the phone bill?). It all seems too calculated to me.

K, my observation is that he is playing you but is going about it in a 'nice' way. This could be considered by some as insulting and humiliating. You need to decide now what your next step is. K, you might want to try and seek some professional support face to face with a counselor to try and build your confidence and start to think more about your own needs as I mentioned above. I'm pleased that the physical therapist is searching for this counselor for you, this is important. Your fibromyalgia, your health and your well-being are the most important things to take care of.

Your gut instinct is possibly telling you that this other girl is still involved somehow - and I believe in your gut feeling. In terms of practical support, you will need to seek advice on this. I am truly sorry for what you're going through, but you are strong, I know of people very close to me who suffer with fibromyalgia and it is not easy - if you can deal with this, you can deal with anything God throws at you. Stay strong and believe that you will get through this, as no matter how you do, you WILL get through this.

Whatever happens in the future, remember that you will have done your best to try and convince him to return to you, however your respect and dignity are important too for you so try not to lose sight if he has been playing games with you, then this is not acceptable by any stretch of the imagination.

Start to put things in place now K, it is time to take care of you. You come first. My prayers and thoughts are with you.


--------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave this site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Verified
Karin Samms and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Hello K,
Thank you for rating my service.
Please do let me know if I can help in the future, only my best to you.
Karin
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Karin Samms
Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
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