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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Our children are living with their grandparents in a different

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Our children are living with their grandparents in a different area until we sell our house in a different area. Our children have some good behaviours and some not so good behavours our motherin law has them all in counselling we are doing some marriage counselling as well witvh is going well but as our grandmother put it last night it would be easier to have one child there not the two of them. Our thinking with this is that at the schools they are attanding their needs are getting met much better there than they were here in a small country town. we were told our daughter was getting brought back to us yesterday and we expressed that wasnt going to be in her best interest. so we asked if our mother father inlaw could ask for some suggestions form the counsellour to help sort out or better cope with the issues they are having with both children living there together and we would do the same and we have been asked to speak to them tonight our children we are just wondering the best way to talk to our children as some things they are doing are causing nan and pop to feel fed up. we are trying to respect everyone we have been told if this doesnt improve in two weeks our daughter will be coming back here we feel that is not an option we dont want her to return to the school or other school in town that will not meet her needs and we also have our house for sale and it will cause more problems for our daughter moving so much so if and the counselor cant help improve the situation we will keep looking at our options which may mean renting our home out to move so our children can remain in both schools and all be there working on thee solutions .
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry that you and your family are experiencing this huge unsettled period. Firstly, I'm wondering how old the kids are; I can see that you're asking how to talk to them and what your options might at this stage be, I wonder if they are of an age that they can understand emotionally how things work whether you could sit them down and express that this is about their future and about the end goal - which is for all of you to be together as a family and that they are working to this as are you with their dad. They might well be acting out due to the unsettledness and the move and hence this might be more to do with the actual upheaval of change - of you moving. You may want to try and discuss these issues with the counselor that they are talking to - if this is allowed. (be sure to be careful regarding communication with their counselor as the trust they have built up with such professionals should not be broken as some kids can become quite sensitive to such breaks in their confidence).

The best strategy is to try and speak with the professional as they will have gotten to know your kids/ in particular your daughter and may suggest a better, more effective way of communicating with her. He may suggest trying to meet up with them while all this house move etc is going on and trying to find a way to keep some level of continuity within the family. You all still need to find a way to BE a family - this is still very important in relationships and so, despite you and your husband working real hard to make a better future, do encourage/ seek out some time together with all of the children as they are most likely missing you - the last thing you want is for them to see this as abandonment/ rejection.

You are all going through a lot - with you both in marriage counseling too, hence why it's important to try and reconnect with the kids as much as possible. Adults can appreciate the suffering and inconvenience such moves (which may well be for the children's benefit), can create however kids don't always see it this way - for them it's about being moved away from what's familiar to them and let's face it - not many people are keen on change, even as adults, it's hard to change.... Your in laws may need to be told how much you appreciate their support in this too, as they might need some reassurance, positivity and support in supporting the children.

I really do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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I wish you nothing but the best,
Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi there A,

Thank you for rating my service, if I can be of further help, please do let me know or if you have new questions, just put "For Karin" on any new question and I'll be sure sure to pick it up and do my best to support you.

I hope it all goes well for you and you all settle down quickly.

Best wishes,
Karin :)