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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I fell head over heels with a man 10 years younger than myself.

Customer Question

I fell head over heels with a man 10 years younger than myself. I thought he was the love of my life There was a few issues that made me uneasy , first he was a serial cheater. cheated on his ex wife to be with another women then cheated on her to be with the next and finally cheated on his ex to be with me. , then I couldnt understand why he would blow his money on silly things like a hot tub and vacations when his house was in need of repair. He owned a huge amount on student loans but when he has extra money he wouldnt put it on the debt he had. The passion was amazing,cards, flowers, text messages teling me how i was his world. But sooner or later that would have slowed down I mean who can keep tht up forever. I was afraid once we setteled into a relationship the issues that worried me would cone to the forefront. The other big issue was his child. one week one week off. I was not close with the child and knew in my heart I never could be. I looked forward to the weeks he was not with us. We were in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. I read a study that once said that feeling of giddyness only last about 18 to 24 months then you settle into a routine and I worried at the first sign of trouble he would cheat because thats what he has done in the past.Once I broke things off with him he called me names on his facebook page and even ripped up all the pictures and threw them thru my office mail slot. I know i hurt him and I am not sure if It's him I miss or the loving attention I miss. The fact that he had threesomes and had sex with multiple girls after we broke up leads me to believe he has some kind of addiction to se or at least the attention of other women. If a man needs that mucuh attention from other women will he ever truly be happy with just my attention. I love him with all my heart but isnt the best way to determine someones's future behavior is to look at their past behavior. Is it just a matter of time before he cheats on me ? Did I make the right decision and if I did why do I cry all the time. It's been 6 months and I still can't get over him .. HELP ME please
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
When someone truly finds the person they are meant to be with they do not need anyone else because things change. The reason is when you are so in love with someone you never want to hurt them, you never want to lose them no matter what. This is why someone even though their past is of cheating it does not mean they will continue this behavior. I feel that he was not going to cheat on you because you are the only one he wants to be with. His actions speak for themselves, he was angry called you names ripped pictures that is all signs of someone that really cares about you even though it was done out of anger and hurt. Someone that didn't care and planned on cheating would never act that way, they would have just moved on. What I want you to do is reconnect the relationship, you both love each other and I no longer want you to be worried about him cheating I know it is hard, but I feel he is fully focused on you when he was in the relationship. His past is his past and I feel he found you and that was it for him, he was no longer going to cheat. He found the one. What you want to do is admit too him hoe you feel, so that he understands why you broke up, you do not want him to wonder what happened. You want to be open and honest. Explain you love him and do not want to lose him, so you decided to leave rather than get hurt. I feel you both with just talking and listening to each other that you can really make this relationship work.