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My Wife of 14 years left me 1 1/2 months ago. first she said

it was because I made...
My Wife of 14 years left me 1 1/2 months ago. first she said it was because I made it more difficult to visit friends of family since we do a lot together. She is staying at her daughters place who has despised me from day one for taking her mother away. So I won't get any help there that is for sure . One thing we did have to deal with was my depression It is a factor in our marriage. Now she is not giving the same reasons for leaving now she says she just wants her independence to go & do whatever she wants. She will be back in our country to stay at her sons in two weeks
I want to try and get her to go to marriage councelling , thats about all I can think of to do. By the way we don't have kids together but have 9 between us along with 5 grand children
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Answered in 16 minutes by:
3/27/2013
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi,

I am sorry that you are going through this and it must be so frustrating that she will not give you the reason for her leaving. I could imagine how heart breaking this must be especially since you both were together for so long.

Trying to get her to go to counseling is a good step. I think at this point your best option here is to write her a letter. Since you don't know the reasons she wants to leave it is difficult to know what needs to be change, but I would work with what she has told you previously.

Writing a letter whether it be via email, mail, or etc is good because this way she can think about what she will say rather than responding in a hasty fashion. This will give you a better opportunity to save the marriage.

In the letter I would explain to her how you feel and how you are willing to make any changes necessary to save the relationship. Whatever you feel is the problem I would mention making changes regarding that to the best of your ability. Of course it takes both people to make a relationship work, but at least she will see that you are more than willing to do your part.

Mention the marriage counseling in the letter and why you feel it can help. Also, let her know that you do not mind making a compromise in order for her freedom and save the relationship. Her leaving may not have anything to do with you as a husband and could be she is just not wanting a relationship any longer. She seems to just want to be free right now. If this is the case then by showing her you will give her space can help. Let her know that you both can take things slowly to rekindle the relationship as well as her having the time with friends and family as she wants. Let her know exactly how far you are willing to compromise in order to save the relationship, but be sure that you would be able to be happy with such compromises as well.

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Verified
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I planned on bringing up the marriage advise when I talk to her face to face early April. Thought it might be more difficult for her to say no then


 

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Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,207
Experience: Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago


I have been depressed for over 25 years I can't see that being fixed soon. I know she doesn't like dealing with the depression, but I don't want that to wreck our marriage.

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kerri
kerri, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience: Psychotherapist. Family & Couple Counsellor, Practical Parenting Advisor. Rapid assessment expertise.
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

It breaks my heart to hear you say she is distancing from me because that is what she is doing. I love her so much I can't imagine my life without her. I cry & scream throughout the day and take adavan to calm me down but I am a real mess. I supposed to talk to her hopefully face to face within the next week or so when she arrives back in Canada. I have to have her back. I love her from the bottom of my heart and will do anything to get her back.


 

Customer reply replied 4 years ago
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago


I can't imagine leaving all the dates up to Patti. She is ignoring me now so I may not get any dates at all. What I think I need is a chance to sit down with Patti and talk about what happened and if possible what can we do to get our marriage to work. I have lots to say to her and I hope she does for me. We had a good marriage so I just can't wrap my mind around what is happeniing to us and why


 

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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,386
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Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.

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