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kerri, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience:  Psychotherapist. Family & Couple Counsellor, Practical Parenting Advisor. Rapid assessment expertise.
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4 months into a relationship, my girlfriend has never cooked

Customer Question

4 months into a relationship, my girlfriend has never cooked for me. She is 32 years old. While I was making a salad, I asked her to open a can of beans for me. She was unable to use a can opener to open a can. When I started digging in, she revealed that she has never learned to cook. She said she does plan to learn cook when she has a family.

I politely suggested that she probably would never learn, if she hasn't learned already, and she said, it's just because she doesn't have a family.

What is more likely: that she just isn't motivated or that she didn't feel the necessity because her mother / father always cooked or she ate out?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, I believe it is not her fault that she did not learn. Usually parents teach their children how to cook and do tasks like open a can opener. The fact that she does not know signifies her parents most likely did not teach her. When this occurs it is much harder to learn later in life.Up until now she may have not felt it was necessary to learn, but may be planning on it for the future. If she truly wants to learn in order to have a family she will. This depends on her and her desires and motivation.

JACUSTOMER-noqos543- :

Well, I guess that's my point. She's almost 32. Wouldn't she have learned by now? And sure, our parents are teaching us something until we are 18 or 19 or maybe 22, but at some point, we become adults, and we decide what we want to learn whether or not our parents have taught us. Ten years later, she never learned how to cook.

Expert:  kerri replied 4 years ago.

Hello and Welcome. Please take your time to read and consider all replies as they are carefully structured with your best interests in mind.

Not everyone has the confidence to admit their weaknesses and if hers is simply that she has not gained sufficient experience to cook for others, it's important not to strip away any more of her possibly already diminished confidence. Instead, try to encourage her to up-grade her skills. There are cooking classes available everywhere in which she could enrol if you encouraged her. Perhaps go along with her so she feels supported in the idea. If your tolerance level for things like this tends to make you angry or diasappointed, then it might be beneficial for you both to have a serious talk about the issues that annoy you and give her the opportunity to respond. It is very important that you both know and understand what the other expects. If your expectations for this lady are too high, then there is a possibility that this relationship may not fulfil your needs sufficiently enough to warrant its continuation. It would be kind to at least give her the opportunity to show you how capable she can be, by showing her by example and encouragement. Otherwise, she is likely to remain fearful of failure and become saddened by the whole arrangement as it currently stands.