Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that "he" (your husband?) is a controlling narcissist who derives pleasure from controlling and hurting you.
Here are the diagnostic criteria for Narcisstic Personality Disorder (NPD) and see if he doesn't fit. These people are sociopaths and have no empathy for the feelings of others.
Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder
(DSM IV - TR)
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
(4) requires excessive admiration
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
You could get into a war of wills with him:
If you are the one doing the cooking, then simply stop and fend for yourself.
Or you could pack up your dishes and cutlery and get disposables.
You will not win, however, and I don't recommend this.
I recommend getting these two books and see how you feel after you read them:
Get these books. Do your best for now and when you are sure, make your move. You cannot let yourself be cominated forever.
I shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC