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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Should a ex continue to be talking to your girlfriend? My girlfriend

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Should a ex continue to be talking to your girlfriend? My girlfriend keeps talking to her ex and it seems like they do long phone calls now too. last saturday she went to his birthday party and the 2 weeks ago, spend the whole day with him

I dont think she wants him back, may actually have him as friends but I dont like it. How can I tell her to stop talking to him all together with out sounding controlling?
Hello Jordan, we have talked before. Would it be alright for me to answer your question?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I'm sorry, I didnt mean to post this question again. But I actually wanted to ask you something. About her to stop talking to her ex. She was honest to be about telling that to me but I dont want it to happen where I ask her to stop and she does but then she stops being honest with me and telling me everything.

No problem, Jordan. I understand.

What you describe is a dilemma. You don't want to coerce her to stop talking to her ex then have her clam up and stop being open and honest. But you may want to see this in a different way. She is forcing you to accept her being with her ex and creating an issue between you that results in you feeling as you do now, like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. A relationship that is healthy includes not having your ex involved and both people feeling free to be open and honest with each other with no strings attached. At this point, you are being held "hostage" by your girlfriends situation with her ex. And it should not be that way. She either is open and honest with you without her ex or she is not being honest at all, even if she does tell you about her ex. In other words, she should not be putting you in that situation in the first place.

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